NEWSLETTER

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One time, as an "experiment," I put a personal ad on Nerve.com. (I know, I know.) One of the profile questions is "What music puts you ‘in the mood'." I answered stoner metal, duh. The best response came from a lawyer whose favorite movie was Secretary. In his picture, he had on a polar-fleece vest and a giant iguana draped over his shoulders. "What's stoner metal?" he wrote. "Sounds like an oxymoron! BTW, IMHO NIN is the best make-out music." In case you don't speak interweb language, that means, "By the way, in my humble opinion, Nine Inch Nails is the best make out music." I LOL'd for days.

But you know, it got me thinking: What IS stoner metal? And is it an oxymoron? Just kidding—I don't give a fuck. Stoner metal is the best make-out music, High on Fire are the kings of stoner metal, and the dudes in it are hot.
I talked to singer/guitarist Matt Pike while he was where any epic metal god should be—on the road, in a van.

VICE: Did you know that you're a heavy-metal sex symbol?

Matt: I had no idea. I guess I have stalkers here and there. There are definitely hot girls that hit on me, and I can't say I haven't had my bad-boy times. It's nothing like Mötley Crüe or anything, but I've seen some weird shit, like a girl screwing herself with a bottle. I'll never look at a Bud longneck the same way again. But really, I'm over the man-hoe thing. I'm a good boy on the road now.

Do you put your hair back in a ponytail when you're doing it?

Never. My girl hates ponytails.

Do you have any sex tips to share with our readers?

Don't be afraid to be an ass licker.

Are you into role-playing at all?

Our drummer Des is into the Dirty Burglar. The girl leaves the east window open at 10 PM and he comes in with a ski mask and rapes her or whatever. Then there's the Dirty Pirate, where you give the girl web-eye, kick her in the shin, and run away.

Wait, what's web-eye?

You shoot a wad in her eye. Then after you kick her and run away, you turn around, and she looks like an angry pirate chasing you with one eye and a stump leg.

ANGIE NERVER
High on Fire's Blessed Black Wings is out now on Relapse.

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