Because this is the Sex Issue, I decided I would copy down my "sex" list. It's actually more of a make-out list because I only had sex with that last person. The asterixes are for bases.
* means first base, ** means second and/or sloppy second,
*** means hand job. This list is from the years 1990-1997.
1. Todd Lieberman* 2. Kris Carter** 3. Collin Clauss*** 4. Jeremy Tamari* 5. Scott Tessler* 6. Kris Hamburger** 7. Brendan Lynch* 8. Scott Horowitz** 9. Carlo Seitz*** 10. Blake Goldsmith* 11. Devin Ward* 12. Vinnie Corrigan* 13. Ben Van Dyke* 14. Tim Williams* 15. Jeff Eienhorn* 16. Joe Bendan** 17. Cynthia Maurino* 18. Sheri Archidacono* 19. Josh Slater* 20. Michael Nagin**
2005
The list ends with No. 20, the boy who took my virginity. Before that, it was all running bases, and I didn't run very far. I gave out a few hand jobs and let a few boys touch my boobs.
Kris Carter was my first real boyfriend, and he was the worst kid in school. He bullied me into going out with him. Everyone was afraid of him. We nicknamed him Boar, because he reminded us of a wild boar or the Tasmanian Devil. We'd be like "Uh-oh, Carter is boaring out again." I met him at the Broadway Mall, and he asked for my number. I thought he was kinda cute, but when he called me on the phone he was like, "You're pretty, but why are your tits so small?" After that ultimate snap and a stolen Black Sheep CD, I dumped him.
Kris Hamburger kissed me on a diving board, and as he went to drag me closer, my ass scraped hard against whatever diving boards are made of. I'm fucking bleeding down my thighs while this kid is trying to shove his sloppy tongue down my throat. I had the biggest crush on Devin Ward, who kissed me outside in the freezing snowy weather and told me that I couldn't come in because his girlfriend was sitting in the kitchen. Everyone thought Jeff Eienhorn was gay, but he kissed me at Michelle Goldsmith's bat mitzvah, and I felt so cool for converting him. Cynthia and Sheri? I kissed them at my first rave.
I thought there was something wrong with me for so many years because I couldn't come and sex hurt. My first time wasn't even my first time. It hurt so much I was like, "No fucking way that beast is going to fit inside of me." It took a lot of years and a lot of beers for me to get over that pain. Now that I want to blaze, like, everyday, guys are like, "M'eh." I remember having a freakout a few years ago and telling my mom that I didn't like sex. She said, "Honey, it's not you. Men just don't know what they're doing." Best advice I've ever been given.
LESLEY ARFIN
