DOS & DON'TS
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News flash! Blondes DO have more fun. They DO party with the biggest names in both hardcore punk and hardcore fashion, and they are DOs.
P.S. Deryck, we are loving those cheekbones!!! [Can we expect to see him on a runway this season? — Ed.]
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| And then there's the ultimate bastion of class, G to the W to the Yneth! I wouldn't want her to show up like this to my funeral. She'd put everyone in a great mood and they'd instantly forget why I killed myself. |
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If Pee-wee Herman got his hands out of his pants and posed for the cover of GQ he would STILL have nothing on the Brodester. Part streets of New York, part sultry genius, and all "what's up?" this gregarious Jew never fails to get the black women shaking in their boot(y)s. |
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| Talk about aging gracefully, Britney has gone from "just a girl" past "more than a woman" and right over to "revolutionary drag-queen S&M superstar." We're not sure where she's going with this, but we know one thing: It's working! |
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Fuck those people that say this Scottish faggot sucked a million cocks to get where he is. Look at that attitude. He's like a Trojan horse that snuck into Hollywood through the back door and popped out going, "Whatever, people! In your face!" |
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| The only problem with black women is that darn nappy hair. It's so curly, it's worse than the Jews'. Thank God Beyoncé had the sense [and the cash! — Ed.] to stitch long, beautiful, white-woman hair onto her head. Now she's got the best of all worlds. What's her brain, Asian? |
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Um, can anyone pronounce the words "hunk alert"? I can. Holy shit, are these FOX foxes ever foxy. Imagine their nude cocks all over your face. It's like, "HELLO!"
[What?—Ed.] |
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| And you thought Jessica was adorable. While her big sister is complaining about high heels on the beach, Ashlee is jumping in puddles with her black Chuck Taylors in a total "fuck George Bush" kind of way. She's like a female version of Chaos UK. |
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"Slap lots of it on, girls," said the immortal Tammy Faye on ET last year. And the queen of power-ska-pop ran with it [all the way to the bank!—Ed.]. Hey, baby! Thanks for hammering home to us the incredible magic a bit of M.A.C. can do. |
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| He may be abnormally small in stature, but have you heard about his dick? They had to cut it out of movies because it made everyone too horny. What more would you expect from Hollywood's biggest bad boy? Gelled hair, wool hats, leather wristbands, AND A BABY! Put a fork in this bad boy, he's DOne. |
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Is her sexaholic boyfriend nuts? Any guy in his right mind would love to stay faithful to Halle Berry and make love to her all the time. She has really great breasts!
[I'd absolutely LOVE to tit-fuck her! — Ed.] |
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 Anonymous, on Jul 28, 2009 wrote:
This is horrendous. | | Anonymous, on Jul 2, 2009 wrote:
Congratulations vice people. This was really funny. It’s trying to be bad because it’s for the worst issue ever issue. but then, you see, it really IS bad, in the ironic way as well as in the normal way. and now it gets into johnny ryan territory, its that genius, are you ready? Being twice as shitty its twice as funny, because no matter on what level it is shit, you guys can still bump it up to the next level and claim its funny again! in your face, goedel! only problem is: it isn’t. it’s just shit. who made this? johnny ryan? hope that guy gets cancer (or at least someone he loves)... | | Anonymous, on Jul 2, 2009 wrote:
Hahaha, this was so like lol for me! Because you can totally tell the writer dude isnt a hundred percent serious and shit! HAHA | | Anonymous, on Jul 2, 2009 wrote:
The sarcasm! The edge! Awesome article! | | Anonymous, on Jul 2, 2009 wrote:
This is so edgy and sarcastically funny! Great Job! | | |
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