IN THE MAGAZINE

Old Dave and young Dave riff about pussy in the "Hot for Teacher" video.

HOT FOR TEACHER

What It Is

"Oh, wow, man, I said / Wait a second, man / What do you think the teacher's gonna look like this year? / Fuck man!"

This is Van Halen as kids and they're just like they are as adults. Horny and ballsy and like, party guys.

"T-T-teacher stop that screamin' / Teacher don't you see? / Don't wanna be no uptown fool"

Zap to David Lee Roth as an adult. All of a sudden he's having sex with a schoolteacher (no relation to the one mentioned a second ago because that was ten years ago). He's really fucking the shit out of her but he has to because it's early in the relationship and she's used to rich wimps.

"Maybe I should go to hell / But I am doing well / Teacher needs to see me after school"

There's some kind of Jewish guilt there because she's a teacher and she's supposed to be wholesome but this rough sex is working out really well. She wants to see adult Dave again.

"I think of all the education that I've missed / But then my homework was never quite like this!"

He used to feel bad about not paying attention in class but if he had studied harder would he be fucking someone this hot? No, because he wouldn't be a rock star. He'd be a nerd. This song is very anti-nerd and that really comes out in the video.

"Ow! Got it bad, etc / I'm hot for teacher!"

Adult Dave is attracted to a woman who teaches.

"Hey, I heard you missed us / We're back! (Hey!) / I brought my pencil / Give me something to write on, man! / Whoa"

Back to the kid Dave (a separate narrative). The teacher couldn't have missed them if she's never met them before. This contradicts the intro.

"Uh! / Ooo-oo-ooo / I heard about your lessons / but lessons are so cold / I didn't know about this school / Little girl from Cherry Lane / How can you be so bold? / How did you know that golden rule?"

When it starts off we think he's a kid, but he's using analogies. It's adult Dave. He doesn't want to court her the normal way and be nice. He wants to get right down to it. Oh, and it's working! Who knew? The golden rule is "do unto others etc." so she must be giving him a blowjob after he ate her out or fucked her. This is a very sexual song.

"Oh man, I think the clock is slow / (What are you doin' this weekend?) I don't feel tardy / Class dismissed! / Ooh-yeah!"

He's going back to his old self and the fact that this is the conclusion means school is bullshit. Nerds are fucking losers and all that matters is getting laid.

KIM HOFFMAN See all articles by this contributor

Comments

	J3PO, on Sep 1, 2008 wrote: Diamond Dave is my Fucking HerOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO