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| In France Napoleon is a hero. In America he's a loser. In America Einstein is a brainy German. In Japan he's an evil Jew that came up with a formula to turn a bunch of kamikazes into warm air and birth defects. That's why he's always holding a barrel of radioactive waste in a thunderstorm. That is also why this shirt DESTROYS the sheik shirt. |
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With flip flops this would just look kind of lazy. Throw some Chucks in the mix and it's "longtime girlfriend" fun. But matching orange stilettos? That's a level of hot so fucking high not even a good raping could put out the fire. |
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| How badass is their working class? That's their shitty clothes? A pair of ninja boots and some mountie pants with some weird wrist things for deflecting bullets? There's like the fighter and the bomb expert and the getaway guy and Plasticman or some shit. What do these "construction workers" build all day anyway, the fucking Justice League? Holy shit. |
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| We emphasized the corner so you could see the surfer (can nips be surfers?) dad and the twin brother. These guys were ollying and acting so tough that when they went by we bowed really low and started going, "Moshi Moshi Domo Moshi Domo" like a bunch of subservient pedophiles. |
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Full sleeves on girls are a bit much. It's better when they have just one tiny thing on their arm. Not a dolphin on their ankle or a stupid lacey design on their lower backs (why couldn't Scott have thrown that Lacey into the bay instead?), just a nice little rainbow that says, "I may be 34 but I'm still Daddy's girl deep down." |
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| It's nice to see women on the beach who aren't ashamed to make jokes about their weight. She obviously knows she's a gigantic and hideous fat cow, but her personality is so good she can just throw a whale on her tits and laugh it off. Fuck are fat chicks ever funny. |
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There's nothing better than going to the other end of the world and hearing a band that makes the MC5 sound like Enya. When you find out they're actually visiting Tokyo from Beijing (nips hate chinks worse than gooks) it's like seeing the Bad Brains rock your sister's Bat Mitzvah. |
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