TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Dos & Don'ts Issue
(click to enlarge)
INSTANT JEW'S EAR
Sometimes, when you don't want to talk about money or free stuff or whose son's a dentist, it's nice to be able to go to Chinatown, buy a packet of this and just talk to a Jew on your own terms.
KOSTELECKÁ
We got two of these mailed to us this month. At first, it seems weird that Czechoslovakians think the best way to sell pâté is to have that woman from The Rocky Horror Picture Show demonstrating a blowjob, but if you have a good look at it, you'll see it kind of works.
NIPS
When Pearl Harbor had its 50th anniversary, they invited both American and Japanese veterans to come. A lot of the Americans still had trouble forgiving the pilots and refused to shake hands. That's where these candies came in. They served as a slow teaser that eased the grumpy old Navy guys into truly digesting the Japanese experience. After all, both sides were just doing their job, and it's over now.
CHILL PILLS
We highly recommend you pick up these $2 pills and carry them around. Every time someone starts freaking out about nothing, you just pull one out of your pocket, toss it at him, and go, "Here, dude." The person always laughs and he always gives it back, so you can keep doing the joke forever.
BRENDAN DONNELLY SHIRTS
He has T-shirt collections like "27," which features people who died at 27 with the cause of death written on the back in one word (i.e. HEROIN is on the back of Kobain, Pig Pen, and Basquiat). There's also the "Hairy Dudes" collection, which has portraits of Yanni, Prince, Freddie Mercury, and George Michael. And our favorite, the "I'm Still Standing" series, where Lemmy, Iggy, Ozzy and Bob Dylan are painted to look about 1,000 years old.
This sweatshirt is called Parrot and is available from the VICE stores. Donnelly's shirts can also be seen at The New Museum.
DON'T BLOW YOUR LOAD
I don't know if you've ever had a "See How Long You Can Go Without Masturbating" competition, but one of the rules is, you're allowed to beat it (or rub it) as long as you don't cum. The game was getting real popular until some working-class British people invented a board-game version of it that the whole family can enjoy and everyone went "Ew."
SEXY CAT FOOD
Cats have been used as companion substitutes for so long, people are starting to sexualize them. Have you seen the Garfield movie poster where he's wearing Ray-Bans and staring at a hot woman? What? Does he want to dig into her skin and fuck her? Are the little penis barbs going to come out into her human vagina? Does he mind if we humans, in turn, fuck cats? What have all the lonely people done to us?
AUDI-OH
You think you like that song? You don't like that song. You don't even kind of like a song until you've rigged this thing up to your cunt and had an orgasm from it. That's right: It's a vibrator that hooks up to your iPod. WTF?
See audi-oh.com for more on this really smart invention.
To win your free subscription to VICE, send tidbits to:
VICE Magazine, 97 North 10th Street, Suite 202, Brooklyn, NY 11211, usa
 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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