In some ultra-cool alternate universe where nobody is a cheesedick and tough-as-fuck dudes get together to do stuff like "break things" and "rule," some men from the bands Brutal Truth, Napalm Death, and The Melvins started a new band called Venomous Concept. But since this isn't said ultra-cool alternate universe and you probably are a huge fucking cheesedick, you'll have to trust me: That's the musical equivalent of Bill Gates, Paul Allen, and Donald Trump getting together and being all, "I don't know, want to try our hand at a startup business?" Just by being in the same room, these dudes were automatically better than everything you listen to. Cheesedick. This guy right here, Kevin Sharp, sang in Brutal Truth and now sings in Venomous Concept. That means he is an authority on anything that is even vaguely punk.
VICE: You just traveled in the South. How was it?
Kevin: I just went down for the drinking—I'm a big fan of open container laws. I flew into Atlanta first to have some drinks with my dad. We drank moonshine and talked stupid shit. Then I went down to Savannah, which is actually just like New Orleans because you can walk on the streets and drink, but it's different because it doesn't smell like vomit. I dropped some time down there—went into this dirty strip club at, like, 8 p.m. after drinking all day and just kind of blacked out. When I came to I was like, ‘Fuck, do I have my money? Is there a used condom hanging out of my ass?' It was fun though."
Why don't you give me your guidelines on how to be a punk, so all these shitty new bands that call themselves punk can get it right.
But I don't want to call it punk—punk is commercial horseshit.
OK, fair enough.
It's as easy as breathing. Learn three chords and cleverly re-arrange them. Spend as little time as possible and go as fast as possible. Listen to Rocket to Russia.
If it's really that simple, I guess that explains Good Charlotte.
Horrible bands have a very vital role in music: If there weren't so many horrific bands, the good ones wouldn't sound as good. Maybe the bad ones just learned the wrong three chords.
RYAN DUFFY
Venomous Concept's self-titled debut is out now on Ipecac Records.
