Could the National-Bolsheviks Party be any cooler please? They’re hyper-lefty nationalists who want to destroy Putin, crush corporate influence, and give Russia back to the Russians. The liberals hate them for being patriotic, the right hates them for shitting on big business, and my dick hates them for making him too big to fit in my pants.Comments/Enlarge |
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This might work if you’re bi and weigh about 100 pounds, but seeing a glam version of the school bully is like seeing a squirrel smoke cigarettes.Comments/Enlarge |
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EASY MONEY Anthony F Yankovic III Is Not A Starving ...
East Indians have high IQs, which makes things real interesting when they completely lose their fucking minds. Comments/Enlarge |
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DOS & DON'TS
As Four and all those faggy fashion designers can experiment all they want. Nobody can compete with the kind of creativity billions of shrill voices screaming into your ears can provide. Go ahead, homos, put on a pot of coffee and stare at your inspiration board; this guy is living in a swirling bad acid trip of deafening bass lines and raping babies. His summer collection is literally from hell.
What is this guy, 14? How can someone who's 14 be so much better than us? Fuck, his whole thing is perfect, from the old Sid Vicious neck chain to the new Casualties shirt. The only thing bad I could say about his look is that my dick isn't in his mouth (just kidding).
There's this new look going around called "traveling-business-lady grunge" and it's making us so horny we feel like running up to them, pulling out our dicks, and just sobbing. If you go from the bottom up, it's like Manolo Blahnik goes to Tampa, then has a meeting in Manhattan, and, finally, ends up goofing with the gals back at their sorority house. That's everything great about all women everywhere.
Check the shoes. This is what we said in the DOs & DON'Ts guide: Stop giving us the ultimatum of "high heels or flip-flops." There are in-betweens. You can wear running shoes when it's hot out or it's a big walking day. If that feels too boring you can always spice things up by putting paint in your dog's hair. But please, stop making us endure five days of flip-flops just because we got one night of heels.
But when we do get heels night, it sure is a treat. Especially when they make themselves up to be a zippy piece of yellow and blue candy that is totally devoted to her friends but is still coming home with you.
You know in the winter when you're wrestling with your coat buttons and your feet are always wet and you go, "I am getting fucking sick of freezing to death, when is it going to be summer?" Well, it's here, bitch. It's here in all its don't-give-a-shit-hanging-around- what-do-you-want-to-do-today glory.
Having a "Live by the bottle, die by the bottle" tattoo outside a liquor store is about as good as it gets. The only way you could fuck up this look is if you had track marks all over your arms and, like, a spider tattooed on your nose or something.
Never mind the choker (all kids make that mistake), this guy is so devoted to matching, he fucking spray-painted his shoes! What were you doing when you were that age, going through your "hat phase"? Fuck you.
Speaking of color coordination, check out how the steady dollops of pink add a loving thread to the already hugely optimistic gloves and sweater.
Heavy matching is the best thing black people ever taught us.
