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| Whoa, it's the walking police sketch. Did you purposely set out to look like the personification of rape or is that a look that sort of just toppled out of the closet onto your head? |
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Speaking of racism, sometimes reality can be so harsh it looks like a KKK cartoon. |
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And then there's Nigel.
"Dear Mum, Don't half miss your bangers and mash but the beach is absolutely smashing. Can't wait to make some new friends—or just muck about." |
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That's cool––a diapered monkey as a pet. Why don't you just ride around town on a unicorn and dig your spurs into it every time it gets tired? Why don't you put a rainbow in a jar while you're at it? |
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| And the winner is… a woman who masturbated in the nude until this guy came down from his gazebo stage and yelled, "You fucking bitch, you ruined my Glastonbury appearance" while dumping garbage on her. She then used one of the pizza slices from the pile to continue masturbating until she was taken away and put in an ambulance—no joke. |
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Can someone just snap his hair off? The follicles are probably pretty weak from obsessive dyeing so you could probably turn him into Captain Stubing if you just grabbed a side and popped the whole top off like a beer cap. God that would feel good. |
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"Aw fuck, Zorf was totally wrong. Earthlings don't dress like geriatric gay Italians."
"Will you shut up and just relax? We're fine."
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The problem with dressing up as a magical Mad Max cyber-gypsy is, eventually you have to get on a bus and go buy cigarettes. There's no dry ice filling the room with smoke at the 7-11. Just you and your stupid fucking stupid-ass face.
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There's something real special about looking at a beautiful landscape and seeing a nice lady also looking at a beautiful landscape with a big, beautiful landscape embroidered on her back. Oops, where'd she go? I can't see her anymore. |
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| Whoa. You probably don't know this, but there's this thing that moose hunters get where they see the beast but are too awestruck to shoot it. They just sit there frozen until it walks away. Luckily, Neil Simonton of Byron Bay, Australia, was man enough to aim his camera and catch this buck (possibly the heaviest DON'T in the history of VICE magazine) in mid-stride. "My heart was pounding after I caught him," said Neil in a recent email. "It was a huge adreneline rush." |
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Nice fucking purple track pants, you fat bitch. What are you, the fucking Michelin Man? Nice gay hat, too, you fucking little loser bitch. |
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