This is the DOs & DON’Ts issue. It has a 21-page article that defines the be-all and end-all on what to do about everything, accompanied by examples of some of our better DOs & DON’Ts from years past. We also did a fashion shoot with our worst DON’Ts put next to an example of what they should have done. All this is because the DOs & DON’Ts book just came out, which is very exciting if you’re the kind of person who takes shits. Photo by Terry Richardson.
 THE VICE GUIDE TO EVERYTHINGA definitive guide to the rest of your lifeWhat the fuck is the matter with people these days? They're walking around, wearing sandals, not paying for shit and talking about their dreams. Don't they know the rules? It's time we write a definitive guide to everything in the world, a list of DOs & DON'Ts that people can reference seriously and... | |
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  DOS & DON'TSAs Four and all those faggy fashion designers can experiment all they want. Nobody can compete with the kind of creativity billions of shrill voices screaming into your ears can provide. Go ahead, homos, put on a pot of coffee and stare at your inspiration board; this guy is living in a swirling bad... | |
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 HOLY FUCK!Is the Bible a DON'T?When he was 29, Jesus wrote The Bible because he knew it would get him laid. Guess what--it worked. Not only did he fuck tons of really religious women, he also laid about a million whores. He didn't even get married he got so laid.
Since then the bible has been nothing but a raging pussy m... | |
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 DOS & DON'TS GREATEST HITSDude is just chilling. He's unflappable. You could be like, "Humpty, what if nobody shows up to our party?" and he'd be all, "Don't worry about it, doood."... | |
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 HOW TO GROW UP IN LONG BEACHNate Dogg ReminiscesTen years after its release, it's time to officially recognize Warren G's "Regulate" as hands-down one of the finest moments in music history. Of course, what made the song wasn't Warren's simple rhymes but the straight-faced tenor crooning of OG Nate Dogg. And although he delivered stellar performa... | |
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 POCKETS DUMB FATLAs per usual, Jadakiss knows what's up, and he knew that shit a couple of years before the rest of us. "Let's hit the dancefloor," he blankly told a would-be overnight-celebrity on 2001's "Knock Yourself Out." "I'll show you how to do my dance."... | |
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 FUCK THE USASteve Earle's Last CallSteve Earle's latest release The Revolution Starts...Now is his best work since the 1986 classic Guitar Town. It's the quintessential American record because it's got all the anger, confusion, and quiet sadness you'd expect from a country at war. All the crucial Earle-isms are there: Freedom of spee... | |
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 SKINEMAOK, what the fuck? This video was shot in Amsterdam. Is that even in Europe? If so, since when? I went to Amsterdam once. Once. It didn't feel like Europe to me; it felt like Woodstock Supersized. ... | |
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 HOW TO NOT CAREVenomous Concept Can't Be BotheredIn some ultra-cool alternate universe where nobody is a cheesedick and tough-as-fuck dudes get together to do stuff like "break things" and "rule," some men from the bands Brutal Truth, Napalm Death, and The Melvins started a new band called Venomous Concept. But since this isn't said ultra-cool alt... | |
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 TIDBITSA monthly look at things we love - v11n7INSTANT JEW'S EAR
Sometimes, when you don't want to talk about money or free stuff or whose son's a dentist, it's nice to be able to go to Chinatown, buy a packet of this and just talk to a Jew on your own terms.... | |
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 DOS AND DON'TS OF PHOTOGRAPHYDon't: Art school The only thing you will learn from four years of college photo classes is what not to do. You spend more time listening to anorexic rich girls talking about what a photo "means" than learning something practical like how to work a fucking camera.
Don'ts: Always t... | |
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCESo Sónar was fun this year. Well it always is, in Barcelona. The more times you go, the more people you meet, the more you socialise and the fewer bands and DJs and installations and films and Final Scratch demonstrations you investigate. And so it proved. Most agreed that the line-up, with its emph... | |
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 DRINK FIGHT FUCKTowers Of London Do It All DayTowers Of London are these five obnoxious hair metal guys who sound like a fucked up version of GG Allin, Skrewdriver and Motley Crüe. They have a look that's so much of a DON'T that it's almost a DO. They cut their own hair and use toilet brushes and old lady's hairspray to keep it looking like the... | |
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 BIG GREEN BLISTERBrooks Takes It Like A ManIt's tough being gay-especially when you live in Derby. Just talk to Brooks about it. He's this insanely talented DJ and producer guy with long tousled hair and an excellent jawline whose amazing new album, Red Tape, is an hallucinogenic glitch-funk soul odyssey into the stickiest, blackest recesses... | |
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 GRIMEWATCHWhat are all the major labels doing wasting our time with Shystie?... | |
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 I WANT MY DVDSFights: A Bare Knuckle Video, V/A: Somewhere Anywhere Everywhere, Sonic Youth - Corporate Ghosts: the Videos 1990-2002, the Rapture: Is Live, And Well, In New York City, Frank Zappa: Baby Snakes, Dithers: Dithers, Friends Forever: A Documentary by Ben Wolfinsohn... | |
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 100 EXTRA DOS & DON'TSHad enough? No? OK, let's get The Onion's Amie Barrodale to pump out 100 more.
1. Do joke around with immigrants and toddlers the same way you joke with your friends. Generally, this is a private kind of fun and nothing more, but when it's 4 a.m., and you're screaming and yelling to ... | |
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