NEWSLETTER


DOS & DON'TS

Masters of the Universe was huge at Fashion Week. Comments/Enlarge | See all


Here’s an argument for letting your kids do drugs at the earliest age possible. When people get into drugs too late in life they amalgamate all the things the desperate teenage drug addicts who runaway to the big city at 15 do; complete with the old "getting an STD on their first week in the big city from the Polish waiter" chestnut. Comments/Enlarge | See all






RELATED ARTICLES

TRIBUTE BANDS
Since Rock Band allows friends to ...
HATE RAP?
Ill Bill's Uncle Changed His Mind
MY OBAMA HAJJ
Words and Photos by Sam McPheeters
TRAILER
By Robert Coover



FROM THIS ISSUE

PARTY IN THE WOODS TONIGHT
Animal Collective Want You to Come
ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
My friend Greg is getting married and it'...
I WANT MY DVDS
The Backyard, Lost In Translation
PINK PARTY
When Festivities Get Ugly

DOS & DON'TS
Hey, lesbians, why you gotta hate? We're not all bad. Some of us are perfectly able to stop talking to our friends for a minute and help a woman remain decent while she goes. I was there, BTW, and the guy didn't even look at her during the main part. He did threaten to kick my ass after this picture was taken, however, but that's good too.
When Japanese girls dress the same they look like wimps. When white girls do it, it's like two exclamation marks!! Pow!! I am now officially totally into colored tights and I wouldn't have known that if they hadn't hammered it home in double-whammy fashion. OK, I photoshopped out the lip-piercing and now she is totally, 100% perfect. With those huge Cazal glasses and the hat like that, can you imagine how well she dances?

Graffiti gets on my fucking nerves, but this is amazing. It's like a Basquiat fuck-you finger but with funny cartoon balls. Gay bars are filled with incrediby hot girls who dress crazy and want to go somewhere their overwhelming hotness won't lead to lecherous drunks leaning over them all night. If you go there, you will get so horny your pants will rip.

When picking up guys it's important to let them know you are a libidinous woman who respects the guy's body and wants to explore (even his toes).

Recently, we've noticed girls are wearing everything in the world at the same time. It creates an effect called "partying" and often leads to another thing called "fun night." You know when you get really baked and you do a funny dance thing around the living room that makes your sister laugh so hard she pees herself? Some people like that moment so much they decide to do it forever.

If you see a guy in a bar with perfect tits who looks like he might be a go-er, don't be a pussy and sit there staring at him all night. Go up there! Rub your dick against his bare ass until he notices you. Nothing looks better than someone about to get into a fight. Everything about you looks totally on purpose. Even a big beard and a trucker hat makes perfect sense.



< PREV

READ/POST COMMENTS