NEWSLETTER


DOS & DON'TS

If you’re 11 and your big brother is telling you to get the fuck out of his (awesome) room, know that he has already peaked and will soon be drinking Shirley Temples at the club with his sponsor and asking this photographer if she can email him this photo. Comments/Enlarge | See all


Ah ha. You’re old.
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DOS & DON'TS

Published June, 2004



Hey, lesbians, why you gotta hate? We're not all bad. Some of us are perfectly able to stop talking to our friends for a minute and help a woman remain decent while she goes. I was there, BTW, and the guy didn't even look at her during the main part. He did threaten to kick my ass after this picture was taken, however, but that's good too.
When Japanese girls dress the same they look like wimps. When white girls do it, it's like two exclamation marks!! Pow!! I am now officially totally into colored tights and I wouldn't have known that if they hadn't hammered it home in double-whammy fashion. OK, I photoshopped out the lip-piercing and now she is totally, 100% perfect. With those huge Cazal glasses and the hat like that, can you imagine how well she dances?

Graffiti gets on my fucking nerves, but this is amazing. It's like a Basquiat fuck-you finger but with funny cartoon balls. Gay bars are filled with incrediby hot girls who dress crazy and want to go somewhere their overwhelming hotness won't lead to lecherous drunks leaning over them all night. If you go there, you will get so horny your pants will rip.

When picking up guys it's important to let them know you are a libidinous woman who respects the guy's body and wants to explore (even his toes).

Recently, we've noticed girls are wearing everything in the world at the same time. It creates an effect called "partying" and often leads to another thing called "fun night." You know when you get really baked and you do a funny dance thing around the living room that makes your sister laugh so hard she pees herself? Some people like that moment so much they decide to do it forever.

If you see a guy in a bar with perfect tits who looks like he might be a go-er, don't be a pussy and sit there staring at him all night. Go up there! Rub your dick against his bare ass until he notices you. Nothing looks better than someone about to get into a fight. Everything about you looks totally on purpose. Even a big beard and a trucker hat makes perfect sense.



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