 CHAIR PARTY
Starting the Party Issue Off With a Bang!
This month it was decided that everyone had to be wasted. All editorial meetings were conducted drunk, in bars, and every writer was told he or she needs to have at least a bit of a buzz going while writing. I personally have had about three king cans of Budwe...READ MORE |
  BY DESIGN
What would parties be without flyers? It's not like the good old days when news of an event would pass organically from one tribe to another at the well. Aside from assuring you a drunken, sweaty model with erect nipples is going to be there, the printed flyer...READ MORE |
 PARTY DOWN
A New Philosophy Kills Hangovers
Want to get wasted? Me too, fuckface, but what I don't want to do is spend the next day like I'm in Jacob's Ladder (only with more diarrhea and barfs). Once I was so hungover on a plane I started getting pangs of searing pain in my hands and these apocalyptic ...READ MORE |
 DEAR DIARY
Entry: Summer 1996
Summer 1996
Dear Diary,
I got a phone call tonight from this guy who says his name is Tom Nasp and he told me I was on the guest list for a Beastie Boys private party at the Palladium this Saturday night! I get to bring +4 people. ...READ MORE |
 PINK PARTY
When Festivities Get Ugly
I recently had a Pink Homo Party to celebrate our Texas governor's extra-homo affair with our very well-known flamer secretary of state. My guests were straight guys with queer eyes and they showed up in some of the most pristine vintage Izod sport finery you'...READ MORE |
 DOS & DON'TS
Hey, lesbians, why you gotta hate? We're not all bad. Some of us are perfectly able to stop talking to our friends for a minute and help a woman remain decent while she goes. I was there, BTW, and the guy didn't even look at her during the main part. He did th...READ MORE |
 BELT PARTY TONIGHT
(Not In A Homo Way, Though)
The South isn't sleeping. Not the one I know. This South is drinking shitty bourbon by the handle, doing lines, and showing off the purple and yellow bruises striping its ass and back. It's waiting for the women and pussies to go home, because everybody around...READ MORE |
 OUT THERE
"Out there" music (like, "Wow that's some weird and far out free jazz") is one thing, but what about when music is literally out there, like it was recorded in fields, caves, meadows, and the seaside? What are you going to do then, buddy? If you have a brain a...READ MORE |
 HOME SURGERY PARTY
How to Operate on Your Guests
Doctors are boring. They don't have borders, true, but they also don't have any fucking clue what is going on. Doctors Without Remedies, they ought to be called. Who are they anyway? Do they just make up this shit? Like, take that hammer thing they do when the...READ MORE |
 VICE PICTURES
The Party Issue
Photos by Jamie-James Medina, Jon Dunbar, Alina Zakaite, Glynnis McDaris, Gelatin, Tim Barber & Jaimie Warren...READ MORE |
 FRATS VS. PUNKS
It's the Same Fucking Party
I once heard a horrible, horrible man (my biological dad) say, "An Irishman is just a nigger turned inside out." Though that quote is wrong for a plethora of reasons, it can be effectively used to describe punks, who are essentially frat boys turned inside out...READ MORE |
 POCKETS DUMB FAT
Just like the best below-the-radar hip-hop instrumental of all-time is East Flatbush Project's "Tried By 12" (freestyle bed for discerning rappers up and down the FDR Drive, the Belt Parkway, and the Deegan), the worst-kept-secret of house music has always bee...READ MORE |
 HAMSTER PARTY THROWDOWN
Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves
In the interest of putting an end to drinking contests forever (they kill 10s of people a year, you know) we decided to stage the ultimate throwdown of all fucking time so that anybody who ever thought about doing one again would be like, "Oops, can't hack it....READ MORE |
 SKINEMA
By Chris Nieratko
SEXPOSE! SWINGERS
I apologize for name-dropping but Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden once told me how in the band's heyday they'd have these really polite, gentlemanly gang-bangs where they'd all be in a hotel room, naked, with a girl. While one or t...READ MORE |
 THE VICE GUIDE TO PARTYING
Party hosting isn't something one can just dive into headlong and willy-nilly. You don't throw a baby into the deep end of an Olympic pool with five-pound weights tied to its tiny legs (unless you want it to die), do you? As a partymeister, you have to be read...READ MORE |
 TIDBITS
A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Party Issue
SWEEN CREAM
Guitarist Matt Sweeney is a stallion, and stallions roam free and that means there are a lot of pretty girls with broken hearts wondering what the fuck happened. What are you supposed to do when, after months of having his gigantic octo...READ MORE |
 HEY DJ, FUCK YOU!
Anyone Can Rock the Party
You know that thing called DJing? Playing records in bars or at stupid art openings for money? Guess what DJing is? The biggest fucking bullshit con of all time! People who get over as DJs are making the easiest money ever, because they've convinced every PR p...READ MORE |
 BUT HEY, DJ, WAIT A SEC!
What The Fuck Are "Party Records"?
Face it, pal, your girl's not dancing. She might bounce around to the occasional Lil' Jon track or something, but she's not losing herself to the music in the moment. That's because females only dance to party records. And we're not talking about "O.P.P." here...READ MORE |
 FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT!
Partying With the Beastie Boys
After hearing the Beasties' new album, To The 5 Boroughs, we could only think about two things. One: "That sounded a lot like the last album only with better beats and way cornier lyrics ('On the L I'm doin' swell'?)." Two: "LET'S PARTY!" So we went to their s...READ MORE |
 BBQ PARTY TODAY, OK?
Playa Fly is the Real Southern Rap
What with the ridiculous amount of attention paid lately to Southern rap, it's about time Playa Fly gets some love. I mean, Lil' Flip is OK, but J-Kwon is a one-hit-wonder. And do you really know anything about Memphis crunksters Three 6 Mafia? Name three of t...READ MORE |
 FUCKIN' EH!
Death From Above Born From a Party
On your stereo, Death From Above (not to be confused with New York production team DFA) sound like No Means No and Sightings, only seven times scarier. Live, however, it's 37 times scarier. The band is a mere two guys, but the bass and keyboards of Jesse Keele...READ MORE |
 FANTASY PARTY
Joanna Newsom vs. The Wolf-God
Joanna Newsom is so precious she's basically a Hummel figurine. An elfin girl in a prairie dress who lilts like an Appalachian Björk and sings about Cair Paravel? That goes so deep into Cute Town, it crosses over into Total Badassville. And that's where Joanna...READ MORE |
 2C-T-FY-DIC.HEAD
New Designer Drugs Kill Parties 4-Ever
Dear Human Toilet,
Taking lots of drugs doesn't have to turn you into a drooling idiot but researching the drugs' scientific properties and then regurgitating the tedious facts to me at shitty parties does.
The biggest offenders are the creep...READ MORE |
 CAPTAIN BRING DOWN SAYS...
Parties Aren't So Great
In fact, parties* are terrible things. Horrific piles of nonsense full of lost souls wandering around looking desperately for someone drunk or lonely enough to throw their decorum to the wind and engage in something heart-crippling in a toilet or nearby bedroo...READ MORE |
 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
My friend Greg is getting married and it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. I like going out with him and his future bride because I know that underneath all the hugs and kisses, he's scared shitless. He's happy to say hello to a new life with his fiancée, b...READ MORE |
 PARTYING IN PRISON
Shocking Out With Crazy Titch
Don't let this bum you out, but British prison suicides are up by a huge fucking 40 per cent. Right now, with 80.2 per cent of all inmates being certified workheads, life's so bad inside that you've got to have a pretty intense PMA to get to sleep, let alone g...READ MORE |
 GAMES
Smashed
SMASHED
I don't understand games that strive to reflect the total fucking banality and pointlessness of real life...READ MORE |
 GRIMEWATCH
There's no fronting on Dogzee's line from Target's "STDs". Great to have UK MCs finally saying stuff we can all relate to....READ MORE |
 PARTY IN THE WOODS TONIGHT
Animal Collective Want You to Come
Listening to Animal Collective, you get the sense that they've have had some trouble letting go of their childhoods. After spending time with them, this theory is confirmed beyond doubt. They divide their hours equally between outdoorsy shit (dancing around ca...READ MORE |
 PUNK ROCK VILLAGE PEOPLE
!!! Party Steadily
Nothing says, "Let's get this fucking party started" quite like pouring a full beer all over yourself. Australians know this better than anyone. We drink so much beer it's not even funny. (Granted, we have nothing on the Czechs, but then, we have hot girls and...READ MORE |
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