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Used to be a dad like this would have the kid in therapy at age 10. These days divorce and addiction in the family are so common that kids are just like: "Meh, fuck this loser. Who wants to go spend what I just stole from his wallet?" Comments/Enlarge | See all


I’ve got no clue what homos are planning to do with marriage once they’ve gotten the go-ahead, but considering the tan-creamed, Malibu-Barbie tumor we’ve let it become, they’ve got their work cut out for them. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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Words & Photos by Patrick O'Dell



FROM THIS ISSUE

AN ODE TO THE FAT FRIEND
The Mother Teresa of Hooking Up
ENDLESS LOVE
The Happiest Man in Japan
THE VICE GUIDE TO CUTE
The A–Z on Cute
THE BETA BAND ARE BACK
And They're Still Broke



ALSO BY JOHN MOORE

ALL CATS MUST DIE
It's Your Job to Kill Them
NAH TO GALS
Tinchy Strider Don't Care
GARAGE GOES ESKIMO
How Wiley Changed Pirate Material

See all articles by this contributor

Photo of Ruff Squad (that's Tinchy in the middle) by Jamie-James Medina

NAH TO GALS

Tinchy Strider Don't Care

Even though East London branches of Domino'S pizza had a record number of delivery orders on Valentine's day, the scaredy cat management told all their workers that no delivery men could go anywhere near the tower blocks of Bow for fear of them getting mugged. Everybody went hungry and rioted.

Yes, even though the Four Weddings And A Funeral guy is setting his next movie in Bow, the area is regarded by many as the least romantic spot in the United Kingdom. We wanted to dispel that myth (Luton is worse), so when somebody said that Ruff Squad's Tinchy Strider had made a song about girls called "Tings In Boots" we arranged an interview with him for the Hugs ‘n' Kisses issue. Mistake. It turns out the "boots" he was talking weren't girls' boots but "car boots" as in "trunks" and the "tings" were hammers, knives and guns. The interview was a total disaster.

VICE: Where would you take a girl on a date?

Tinchy Strider: Ah, I'm not really into dates and things.

Would you ever give a shout out to a girl on the radio?

I do shout out girls on the mic, like if you know them or they ask, but not 'cause I like her. Then everyone knows your business.

What is the longest relationship you've been in?

Not that long.

Have you ever cheated on a girl?

Yeah.

What would you do if a girl cheated on you?

That depends how deep you get into your relationship. 'Cause I ain't really got that deep into no relationship properly, so I don't care.

Does she have to be able to cook?

Yeah, maybe when I'm older, but at this time in my life I'm not really that bothered about cooking.

Would you date a female MC?

If I dated a girl I wouldn't want her involved in MCing and that.

Do you have a girlfriend at the moment?

Nah.

Do you want one?

Nah.

JOHN MOORE
See Beats and Rhymes for more on Tinchy.

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