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It’s hard to call out your friends on their bullshit without it seeming like a joke, but if one of them is turning into a serious, self-important asshole it's vital to figure out a way to slip him the news. Comments/Enlarge | See all


So you Junior Mengeles weren't content with your cockapoos and beagadors and pugadoodles and now you've graduated to full-on monstrosities like giant two-mouthed pit bulls and sideways husky-terriers. Disgusting. At least Dr. Moreau had the decency to keep his abominations locked away on an island. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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Photos by Tim Barber

Photo by the author

ENDLESS LOVE

The Happiest Man in Japan

Hi, my name is Konishi, but I prefer being called 524. I'm 25 years old and I live in Nagano, Japan, which is where the Winter Olympics were held in 1998. For me, Japan is the paradise of otaku, which means "crazy" or "insane."

The girl in the picture you see is called Nana, and I've been with her for about two months now. I don't remember exactly how we met, but I think I found her by chance while browsing the Internet.

It cost me about $1,800 to get Nana to come and live with me, and so far I've spent about $370 paying for her outfits. I've got geisha-girl clothes for her, and schoolgirl and secretary clothes, too.

She also has sexy fishnet stockings. When she wears stockings I say to her, "Please touch my dick with your beautiful feet." I beg her, "Please." Sometimes I dress her in my shirt, but when I do I make sure she has no knickers. Through a wet shirt I can see her nipple. She is Queen of the Nipples.

I don't like real girls because they treat me coldly. Once I went to a place where you have sex with women but I couldn't have orgasms because I was too concentrating and too nervous. The first time I ever had an orgasm with a girl was with Nana.

At first her marriage hole seemed so small that I didn't know if my dick would fit in it, but after a while I got inside her. It felt really cold, but nice, and eventually I came inside her hole.

When people ask me if I love Nana, I say, "Yes, of course!" Only she accepts my existence. I even keep a regular diary of my life with Nana because I want other people to know that a useless man like me exists. A virgin is a useless man, isn't it?

There are plenty of other girls just like Nana out there who are just as beautiful and available, but I don't want any of them. She loves only me, so I love only her.

524
Dolls like Nana are available for about $2,000 from orient-doll.com. You can fuck them in their "marriage holes" with the aid of some lube and a vibrating device. Japanese law says you can't make the pussy too realistic.

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Comments

Anonymous, on Jul 2, 2009 wrote:
Desu~
Anonymous, on Jun 28, 2009 wrote:
HEY YOU BELOW ME, ITS BILLY MAYS DAY, ALL CAPS, AND BILLY MAYS COULD SELL MARRIAGE TO ONE OF THESE TO GUY MARRIED TO LAURA CROFT.
Anonymous, on Jun 28, 2009 wrote:
lol wut
Anonymous, on Jun 5, 2009 wrote:
that is probably the best thing i’ve read in a while
Spira, on May 22, 2009 wrote:
bizzare... and slightly worrying though more to the point if you consider yourself an otaku then stateing that you are useless because of you’re verginity is still intact is confusing. Surely you are useless because you game and roleplay all the time rather than doing anything creative for the enconomy...
Anonymous, on May 3, 2009 wrote:
I LOL’D SO HARD
Anonymous, on Aug 9, 2008 wrote:
i think my comment is the first real one, and that is the only reason i’m posting.

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