 WE LOVE YOU
And We Hope You Will Love Oui TooIt all starts with love. Love is a four-letter word. Four is a four-letter word. As Love. As Four. We always say this. We have a list of four-letter words. Hate is a four-letter word too. Fuck. Sexy. Dick. Cats. Dogs. It's our little game. Hello, we are As Four!...
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  DEAR DIARY
Entry: December, 1991December, 1991
Dear Diary,
On Thursday I went to the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Steve, Jamie, and Alex. Boyz II Men KISSED ME! On Friday was the camp reunion and Shari, Marla, Liaht, and Debbie were totally avoiding us. I really used to like them. Too bad. ...
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 OUT OF MY LIPS
Stop Three-Way Kissing MeIs it safe to say that the three-way kiss is officially the most annoying new phenomenon of the new millennium? Yes, it is.
I just watched the insipid movie Laurel Canyon, featuring another groundbreaking three-way kiss between Frances McDormand, a guy, and another girl. It took place in a ...
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
My friend Greg is getting married and it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. I like going out with him and his future bride because I know that underneath all the hugs and kisses, he's scared shitless. He's happy to say hello to a new life with his fiancée, but he's also really, really scared to sa...
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 HUGGING IN THE CLOSET
What If These Cuties Hooked Up?Did you know that in Hollywood, men sometimes hug and kiss other men? I am referring to intimate hugging, where you put your arm around the person and then rub and caress them from the back, and kissing in the French fashion (avec langue). It's a fact. In addition to that, they sometimes kiss each o...
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 AN ODE TO THE FAT FRIEND
The Mother Teresa of Hooking Up"To be honest, Kassandra doesn't give a shit about sports or if you know Vincent Gallo," says the fat friend discreetly. "If you want to get her attention just be the fun guy and invite her out to parties and stuff." I love you, fat friend. After abandoning all hope of getting laid yourself, you hav...
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 LITERARY
The Complete Peanuts, Underworld 5: My Little Funny, When We Were MaakiesThe Complete Peanuts
1950-1952
Charles M. Schulz (Fantagraphics Books)
The original emo kid–no, wait. The original indie rocker. Charlie Brown represents, to most people, that black-striped yellow shirt and holiday TV specials. ...
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 WHO'S CUTER?
White Babies or Black Babies?That makes a great header and everything, but there's actually way more categories than that. There's "weird-race" babies, which are like Persian, Pakistani, or half Native American and half white, or whatever. Then there's all the Asia countries and...well, that's about it besides blacks and whites...
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 VICE PICTURES
By Ryan McGinleyOne afternoon in 1997 I was drawing the inside of a church for an art-school assignment. I was never really that good at drawing and I've always loved to cheat, so I got an idea. I went down to the pharmacy and bought a camera. I took some pictures of the church, got them developed, projected them, ...
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 ENDLESS LOVE
The Happiest Man in JapanHi, my name is Konishi, but I prefer being called 524. I'm 25 years old and I live in Nagano, Japan, which is where the Winter Olympics were held in 1998. For me, Japan is the paradise of otaku, which means "crazy" or "insane."
The girl in the picture you see is called Nana, and I've been w...
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 POCKETS DUMB FAT
Last month, we lamented the legal troubles of Diddy's other manservant, Prettyboy Loon. But having already rode for Harlemworld with our stink-pink "FREE LOON" tee, it's time to focus our attention on someone who needs it more: Pimp C. For those who think "Big Pimpin'" was the first Southern rap tra...
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 YAY! YOGIS CAN FLY!
I Am a Total IdiotI am a firm believer in Transcendental Meditation (TM) as taught by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. I've been doing TM since I was five. I'm also the editor of this magazine. That's not unlike showing up to a KKK rally dressed as Boy George. Due to my beliefs, I am repeatedly referred to as "Ladyboy," and fo...
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 SKINEMA
As clever as I feel standing on my coffee table naked and videotaping myself practicing stand-up comedy after a bunch of coke and ten cups of coffee...
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 CUTE ATTACK!
Gigantic Rodents Are the Perfect PetChinchillas are widely recognized as the cutest animals in existence. They have big, fluffy ears and are so soft it makes your palm tingle to touch them. They are the Veuve Clicquot not only of the slaughtered-and-butchered-fur-coat world but also of the wiggly-squiggly-cute-pet arena....
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 TIDBITS
A monthly look at things we love - v11n4MAILING CAMERAS
New game alert! The funnest new game in town is called "sending a disposable camera to someone you know or kind of love and having them mail it back to you." If you don't get it back, the person you sent it to is lame and you were stupid for liking them. If you get it bac...
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 FREEZING IN HELL
Russian Cartoon Cults Alleviate the SufferingCheburashka is a cute little animal–half monkey, half bear–from a 70s Soviet TV animation. To understand why this warmhearted, naive little animal and the weekly dance parties named after him are so big with Moscow kids right now, you have to understand a bit about life in this city....
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 THE VICE GUIDE TO CUTE
The A–Z on CuteI know that Sanrio and pacifiers are raver garbage. I know that all the twee pop and lovecore bands of the mid-90s are counting spare change for Ramen noodles now–doye–but there's something you should know. Cute is eternally recurring. There will never be a time when people don't at least secretly w...
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 BIG WHUP
The Vice Guide to STDsOops, you got a little too drunk last night and you did it without a condom. It's the end of the world, right? Now you're pregnant with AIDS and you're going to have festering sores on your body forever. Maybe you should go to the doctor now and start crying about what a stupid, disgusting slut you ...
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 THE VICE GUIDE TO FRIENDSHIP
Want to know about all the different kinds of friends? Welcome to the Friendship Forest. It can be a treacherous place, but its rewards are warmth, hugs, understanding, and chuckles. The ultimate goal is finding your BFF, but you'll really have to do some spelunking through thorns and brine to meet ...
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 THE BETA BAND ARE BACK
And They're Still BrokeWhen the Beta Band put out their amazing first three EPs back in 1998, it seemed like they were about to blow bullshit Britpop to pieces and create a musical revolution that would engulf the world and usher in a new age of psychedelia and love. All the care and imagination they put into the music an...
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 MARMALADE SWIRLS
Getting Lost in Psychedelic FolkBack in the early 1990s, when grunge was fading away and boy bands were cramming into the golden elevator, recent college graduate Pat Gubler helped start a band called Tower Recordings. Pat and cofounders Matt Valentine and his wife Helen Rush all lived together as a happy household of bedroom-psyc...
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 I HATE GOD
But I Love Outlaw OrderThere is no cuter guy than a dirty metal-punk dude from the South with a fuck-off attitude and one of those sinewy, muscle-y white-trash bodies. They make every other man look like a total gay person. When they kiss you, it's like having a live electrical cable rammed down your throat. And, as a rul...
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 HATE RAP?
Ill Bill's Uncle Changed His MindIs it such a surprise that Brooklyn's most disturbing brutality rapper is responsible for a heartrending New York story of redemption? Is it so hard to believe that the paranoid psycho rap star Ill Bill–he of the alarmist Illuminati rhymes–opened his heart and home to a half-dead, homeless junkie? A...
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 HUGGY BARR
Cutesy Indie Rap From Coast to CoastBARR is this kid Brendan Fowler from Baltimore via New York, but he lives in Los Angeles, which is where he belongs. Not because L.A. is full of bronzed robots who won't hug you unless you make at least $300K a minute, but because L.A. is always sunny and so is BARR....
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 FUCK THE WORLD
Love Is All Live Too Far AwayCan somebody please outlaw transatlantic long-distance relationships? My BFF's boy lives in LA and she lives in London and they're both going totally fucking crazy. Here's why:
1. Not only is paranoia eating them alive, they're also falling out over things like who pays for the plane ticket...
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 BEATS AND RHYMES
We've got love and hugs and kisses in spades for Rephlex Records but what the fuck are they doing releasing that Grime compilation? Talk about a misnomer. Do they really know about the most exciting/violent/retarded musical movement this country has seen since Oi? Not judging by the tracklisting. No...
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 NAH TO GALS
Tinchy Strider Don't CareEven though East London branches of Domino'S pizza had a record number of delivery orders on Valentine's day, the scaredy cat management told all their workers that no delivery men could go anywhere near the tower blocks of Bow for fear of them getting mugged. Everybody went hungry and rioted....
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 I WANT MY DVDS
Dirty Sanchez - Front and Rear End: The Complete 1st Series...
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 GAMES
Red Dead RevolverRed Dead Revolver
Publisher: Rockstar Games
Platform: PS2, X-Box
Genre: Western
Rating: All Ages
We all love Ennio Morricone right? But can anybody really put their hand on their heart and say they've watched ANY spaghetti western more than twice in their whole li...
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 OH THE PAIN
Xiu Xiu Break My Heart Every TimeI recently gave my friend a copy of Xiu Xiu's new album and he almost killed himself. I couldn't tell whether it was because the album is completely amazing and he realized he'd never be as talented as them, or because he'd just been dumped by his longtime girlfriend. Or both. Maybe he knows now tha...
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 FUGGIN EH
Death From Above Party WellDudes. Do you fucking even realise that if it hadn't been for partying and booze, the two guys from Death From Above would probably never have met!
And do you know that means the band wouldn't exist and none of their songs would ever have been written, played live, or manufactured into CDs?...
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 UNDERGROUND LOVERS
My Disco are Having the Time of Your LifeMy Disco make little electroclash glam boys wilt like a penis on shitty coke. Not only did they steal their name from Big Black, they took their true-til-death attitude from Señor Albini as well. They sound like the contents of a toolbox started a band: abrasive, utilitarian, and fucking cool. And t...
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