TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Jobs Issue
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TRAVIS BICKLE LIGHTER
I like using this lighter because when I first got it, I was like, "Ha-ha, what a nut that Travis Bickle was," but now that I'm older I'm like, "What do you mean?" The only thing weird about him now was that he took a girl to a porn movie on a date. Even the "one day a real rain is going to come and wash the scum off the streets" part seems totally fine.
You can get them at Empiresmx.com.
SEIZE SUR VICE
We teamed up with that fancy-pants store in Soho called Seize Sur Vingt and did a bunch of dress shirts called Seize Sur Vice. The first line is all formal, professor-looking things named after the members of Crass, and the second line has tattoos on them because we all grew up in prison.
Available at all VICE stores and at Seize Sur Vingt (243 Elizabeth St.).
EURO DON'T TOOTHPASTE
Could Europeans be bigger Don'ts please? Fuck. The music they listen to is painful. I mean, I love going to Max's on Avenue B, but those cornball Italians are always playing trance or progressive house or some horrible Gainsbourg remix. Then there's Germans with their comfortable brown loafers. And British people with their Shane MacGowan teeth. Even their fucking toothpaste is a Don't.
Go back to blairmag.com and play "Gay Or Eurotrash?".
PIP & NORTON DOLLS
VICE cofounder Gavin McInnes and renowned crazy person Dave Cooper do a comic book called Pip & Norton that is really fucking funny. Dave just spent about 10,000 hours crafting these figurines that come in a box that you can make into a weird car thing where Norton's driving and Pip's on top freaking out.
See critterbox.com for more deets.
MEXICAN CIGARETTE WARNINGS
Cigarettes are really bad for you because sometimes your penis will become so soft it will send out a piercing high frequency that only women can hear and it drives them fucking crazy.
SNAKE WHISKEY
Hey China, you might want to update your culture a tiny bit. All these stupid snake drinks are killing the reptile population over there and they DO NOT make you stronger and braver. Sorry. Also, eating bear's eyes will not give you magic powers. How about you try to get up to at least like, the 1700s, OK?
KAZ'S SMOKING CAT
The same company that made the Pip & Norton dolls made these smoking cats that Vice cartoonist Kaz designed. If you don't read the comics and you don't know who Kaz is, then what the fuck? Do you not beat off too?
Again, critterbox.com.
BLACKFACE HOMER
So, according to Erik Lavoie, these were banned by Burger King because customers complained about Homer looking too minstrel-y. Hmmm. OK then, Coconuts (we call him that because whenever you order lunch he moves all the money around until you're like, six bucks short), why are these toys only $1.99 on eBay? And why did Fox tell us that it was actually about the plastic in the toys being toxic? Maybe it's because you saw how excited we got when you told us that bullshit story and were too scared to tell us you just made it up. Nice one, douchebag.
BLACK MAN TOILET BRUSH
We don't have to worry about this being bullshit, though. It's in our hands and it came from Thailand and here it is. A fucking toilet brush called Black Man. Can you believe it? This is better than the Costa Rican cleaning products called Negrita. In fact, this may well be the greatest Tidbit since the beginning of time. Joe Huffman, you just won a free subscription.
PS We wouldn't have been able to send you your subscription if you hadn't taped your name and email to the Tidbit because we always lose the boxes and envelopes these things come in. Please remember to do that everybody.
To win your free subscription to VICE, send tidbits to:
VICE Magazine, 75 North 4th Street, 3rd floor, brooklyn, new york, 11211, usa
 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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