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DOS & DON'TS

When newly out dads ditch their families for Frisco and squeeze their 50-year-old buns into a pair of biker briefs and head to the pride parade it’s so here, queer, and used-to-it that they give the whole city a hard-on. Comments/Enlarge | See all


Thank God all these college dorks have gone back to Madison for the summer. They were starting to make the rest of us look bad.
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DOS & DON'TS

There’s a special place in hell for people who use animals as fashion accessories. It’s a few caves over from lawyers and right below beauty-pageant parents.
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SWEET HOME ALABAMA

Southern Schoolkids Are Ready to Rumble


The homemade weapons featured here were confiscated from students enrolled in middle and high schools in the Huntsville City School district of Northern Alabama. They were chosen from among a huge collection of weapons kept by the Huntsville Campus Security Supervisor, Jami Holt. Holt calls the collection her "box of goodies." She said, "I've been employed here for 23 years and I am happy to report that we have come a long way to make our schools safer."

Geez Louise, what were they before, like, riding around in armored tanks that shot flames out of their wheels and had nails poking out of them everywhere and dogs with fangs would suck your blood while you were in the little boys' room?

AMIE BARRODALE

Photos by Andrew Noblit - Click to enlarge
1. Solid wooden handle wrapped with a bicycle chain, then wrapped with cellophane. The offender was a ninth-grade male. The weapon weighs about 3 pounds. 2. Ice pick. Handle wrapped with electrical tape. The offender was an eleventh-grade male, who was caught with it in the back waistband of his pants.
3. Knife blade. Original casing broken. Carried in the sheath. The offender was an eighth-grade male. The blade is dull but could be used to stab someone. Without a handle, it is uncomfortable to grip.

4. Wooden handle with chain affixed. Used for horses. The offender was an eleventh-grade male.
5. Knife blade. Broken handle. End wrapped with electrical tape. The offender was a sixth-grade male. Blade is dull but could break the skin.
6. Broken wooden handle with the end wrapped in electrical tape and some sort of metal coil also wrapped around a portion of the handle. This was carried by a local known gang member whose street name was "Tootsie." The offender was a ninth-grade male.

7. Homemade metal knuckles. Illegal in Alabama. The offender was a ninth-grade male. 8. Nunchucks. The offender was an eighth-grade male.
9. Some type of rubber object (it's very flexible) wrapped over and over in electrical tape. Used to slap people over the head and in the face. The offender was a 10th-grade male.

10. Broken metal rod wrapped in electrical tape. The offender was a ninth-grade male. 11. Sawed-off air rifle. Butt taped with masking tape. Weapon was confiscated at a high school in Huntsville, Alabama. The offender was an eleventh-grade male. Not functional; used for intimidation. 12. Two-sided axe. Handle was broken when thrown at potential victim (it split when it hit the ground—it was rotten). The offender was a 10th-grade male.

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