|
|
| Photo by Tim Barber | | iHUSTLEWhen Addicts Create
The other night my friend called me to let me know that a crazy black crackhead had just tried to sell him a brand-new G5 laptop right out in front of that huge liquor store near Astor Place. He hadn't investigated it at all, but I had been looking for a cheap computer and was in the area, so, why not?
Of course we couldn't find the guy, but as we were standing there on the corner about to give up, this really freaked-out NYU-looking kid walked by us in an erratic circle. I made eye contact with him, and it lasted just long enough for him to ask, "What's up?" in this "What's up, motherfucker? You want to throw down? I will school you, bitch!" voice. When I said I was looking for someone selling laptops, the guy's eyes bugged out, he looked me up and down, and then he lost all his steam and stared at the ground. "I got hustled" he said. "I spent $200 on this thing because my computer's a piece of shit and I really need a new one for school. Now I'm broke. Now I'm really fucked." All I could think of was to shrug and say, "It's New York City," like that would make him feel better, but he threw his bag in the garbage without looking up and walked off.
After he left we dove into the garbage to see what the crackhead used to rip him off. Was it a brick in a laptop box? That's what they used to do with video cameras. Was it a real laptop that had no insides? No, it was way better than we ever imagined. It was a real iBook box, with a bunch of Village Voices for weight and the greatest piece of shit ever made. A fake laptop made of gray garbage bag and cardboard, spray-painted platinum silver and finished with A HAND-PAINTED APPLE LOGO DONE IN WITE-OUT. Aaah ha ha ha. What did you think it was going to be, a brand-new computer with GarageBand, iMovie, Microsoft Office, and 2GB of extra RAM? What a fucking idiot that kid was, and what a work of art this is. Thank you, Crack God.
TIM BARBER
Ryan McGinley with the iBook that crack built.
See all articles by this contributor
Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2009 wrote:
Wait, wasn’t the AUTHOR about to make the same mistake, had he not come upon this unfortunate first? | | Anonymous, on Apr 6, 2009 wrote:
Fantastic! I would have been in tears of laughter at that kid. | | Anonymous, on Jan 5, 2009 wrote:
Yeah, hey dipshit, your such a shit, asshole, I shit all over your shitty page, shithead
Your a double dipshit, thats like doppleshit.
Im gonna shit, use it as turkey stuffing, baste the turkey a little with your mom’s dildo, no your dad’s shitty dildo, cook it on high for 3 hours so you the shit goes all crusty, then feed you shit for thanksgiving, cos shithead and shit and asshole and dipshit are way cool for making a point.
Fucking Americans! LEARN PROPER ENGLISH | | Anonymous, on Nov 29, 2008 wrote:
vice are all dicks | | Anonymous, on Sep 13, 2008 wrote:
this rules! but wasn’t it from an issue like three years ago? | | Anonymous, on Sep 9, 2008 wrote:
Damn..the commenters here need Prozac. What a bunch of haters. | | Anonymous, on Sep 9, 2008 wrote:
ha! owned | | Anonymous, on Sep 9, 2008 wrote:
What amazes me is the amount of time and effort the guy put in to making a bogus laptop... Just goes to show what a powerful drug crack is! What drive, what ambition!!!! If people like this only put that much effort in a positive direction, but I digress. | | Anonymous, on Sep 8, 2008 wrote:
Only idiot would buy iDiot apple crap. Serves him right. If he’d be smart he would be buying a real computer, a PC. | | Anonymous, on Sep 7, 2008 wrote:
I can’t believe how many of you actually think someone desperate for a computer getting ripped off, is a good thing! You all must be Americans! And Ryan McGinley, I this this shows people what sort of "dipshit" you are. | | Anonymous, on Sep 4, 2008 wrote:
oooooolllllld repost. i remember reading this back in 2001.
p-p-p-p-ooooower book indeed | | Anonymous, on Sep 4, 2008 wrote:
that (and by that i clearly mean ryan) is hotttt... | | Anonymous, on Sep 3, 2008 wrote:
i bet that whole story about the NYU kid was made up to cover your ass after you actually bought the laptop dipshit
also why the fuck do have to say "black crackhead?" if he was white you would not have said "white crackhead" what is the point in mentioning race????
double fuck you dipshit | | Anonymous, on Sep 3, 2008 wrote:
i’m gonna have to get to new york | | Anonymous, on Sep 3, 2008 wrote:
HEY RETARDS P-P-P-P-POWERBOOK IS AN ANCIENT MEME | | Afe, on Sep 2, 2008 wrote:
" hey, shit head, you were there to buy the same thing the kid was. the kid almost certainly didn’t open the box, look at the piece of crap, and THEN pay.
"
Dude, I think if I was buying a laptop off a crack-head, I totally would. I like to think I’d open the box, turn the laptop on, check the specs, inspect the case, then tell the hobo to QUIT FUCKING WITH MY CAPITALISM. | | Anonymous, on Sep 2, 2008 wrote:
While I know you can get $200 laptops from crackheads.... this is hilarious. | | Anonymous, on Jul 4, 2008 wrote:
Wow, that is the single most greatest thing I have ever seen in my life. I think I’ll jot that down to get my brother for Christmas.
Also.... Ryan is sexy. | | |
|
| |
