NEWSLETTER

Dear Yanks,

How many people have you heard of who got "ashtrayed" (breaking an ashtray over somebody's head) or "canned" (ripping up a can of lager and rubbing it over somebody's face a hundred times until their face looks like a crossword)? Probably not that many, because you've never lived in Wigan, North England, where the only guns you can buy are air pistols that can barely kill mice at point-blank range—unless you get them converted (pictured here).

Casual violence is a lot more popular in Britain than in America because guns are so much harder to buy. British people are so in awe of American culture and all the amazing guns they see in Hollywood that they are making weapons out of the cupboard beneath their mother's sink or out of the stationery cupboard at school.

All the weapons you see here were invented by people we know who'd just come out of Young Offenders Institutes (a.k.a. Borstal, like in the movie Scum), where the only thing you do all day is fill out aptitude tests, get bullied, feel scared, wish you were back home, and—out of sheer fucking boredom and enforced insanity—think of ways to make deadly implements out of traffic cones and marker pens.

MODIFIED AIR GUN
Known for its ultra-powerful tandem air-cartridge system, the Brocock ME38 is the ultimate replica gun on the street, accounting for half of all converted firearms seized by police in the UK. Available legally at hunting, hobby and specialist sports shops across the country for around £300, this solid steel, black beauty can be easily converted into a real gun that will really kill people.

The original barrel (which is designed to hold pellets or blanks) needs to be unblocked to hold bullets. A sloppy job causes the bullets to stick in the chamber and combust, taking the shooter's hand with them. The police honestly believe that there are "organized gangs controlling this epidemic" working shifts and flooding the streets. The reality is, it's a bunch of toothless metalworks engineers who fix cars for a day job. BTW, this isn't a Brocock, it's some sort of gypsy fake 9mm. We bought it in a "sports shop" in East London and it took a week to convert.

TOOTHBRUSH KNIFE
This was made by a 24-year-old girl who just got released from prison for shoplifting. It is a variation on "shank" classics like the bar of soap with a razor blade or, more recently, two phone cards with a razor blade inserted in the middle. The main thing here is razors. They're pretty hard to come by if you're (UK child murderer and public enemy No. 1) Ian Huntley, but in women's prisons they're easier to get, especially if you're in for something like chronic shoplifting or possession with intent. The best toothbrushes to use are those aerodynamic ones with the angles, because you've got more plastic to play with.

SPIKED BAT
As used by the teenage gang who murdered a kid outside the Somerfields grocery store on Old Street, East London, this will maim anybody if you corner them in a dark alley. The downside is, you can't really carry this around in the street unless you're going straight to your victim. No other errands on the way. This was made by a guy in Hackney who says he's too old for weapons like this these days.

FIREWORKS CANNON
You can get these Roman Candles at £4 for six at the fireworks shops that turn up around Nov. 5 in the UK. They open for a week, make a fortune selling these things to minors (legal age is 18) then close down. These fire eight separate shots in three-second intervals. Only a crazy person or a 14-year-old would fire them by holding them in their hands, so the best way to do it is to get the top of a traffic cone and a piece of plastic piping you can find at any building site, and make this fuck'n massive cannon out of the fucker.

Recently, these have been used in gang fights all over East London. How cool is that?

MARKER LANDMINE
This'll break an ankle or cause severe muscle damage if you get elastic bands strong enough. Regular stationery elastic bands will cause surface wounds, but if you really want to fuck somebody up, you need to get some industrial-strength rubber bands from a DIY store. You can't usually see the nails hanging out of the end, but we included them here to make it look less like a crazy person's quill. These aren't exactly causing a major problem. It was just one little nutjob we found who makes them.

VICE UK STAFF

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