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Cover photo by Terry Richardson
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 WHAT HAPPENED?
And Why Does Everything Look Like Shit?When did the world become one gigantic DON'T? The way people look in general has been plummeting since the 60s, but it seems like the whole of culture is at an all-time aesthetic low. Women think we like fake tits and toe rings, men over 40 are still putting gel in their hair, and even your close fr...
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  DEAR DIARY
1998
Dear Diary,
I'm in Long Island once again. Tonight for some strange reason I feel like getting on the train. It's not like I want to go to the city for any reason at all, I just feel like being in transit. I am not excited about being here, I don't feel like talking about J.Cr...
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 ASSBLASTER
From 'Taint to Crack and BackYou know when you have those shits where there's so much bile and drugs and booze in your system from the night before that your entire anus starts to fall out of your ass and dip into the toilet like an elephant trunk? You don't? Well, you're not the partier you think you are. For those of us out t...
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 DOS & DON'TS
And we thought last month's "Paki Wearing a Skrewdriver Belt Buckle" was as good as it gets. Tabernak! (That's Quebecer for "fuck"). This month we've been trumped by "Black Guy With a Wattie Belt Buckle." What's next month going to be, Alicia Keys wearing an "Eatin Ain't Cheatin" belt buckle?...
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 iHUSTLE
When Addicts CreateThe other night my friend called me to let me know that a crazy black crackhead had just tried to sell him a brand-new G5 laptop right out in front of that huge liquor store near Astor Place. He hadn't investigated it at all, but I had been looking for a cheap computer and was in the area, so, why n...
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 SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Southern Schoolkids Are Ready to RumbleThe homemade weapons FEATURED HERE were confiscated from students enrolled in middle and high schools in the Huntsville City School district of Northern Alabama. They were chosen from among a huge collection of weapons kept by the Huntsville Campus Security Supervisor, Jami Holt. Holt calls the coll...
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 GROSS JAR
Due to overwhelming amounts of reader mail requesting its return, we are pleased to bring you Gross Jar 2.0.
This is how it works: we take a jar and put a bunch of really foul shit in it. Then we set it outside the back door of the office and check what's happening in there every so often. ...
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 ANARCHY IN THE UK
And You Thought Alabama Was BadDear Yanks,
How many people have you heard of who got "ashtrayed" (breaking an ashtray over somebody's head) or "canned" (ripping up a can of lager and rubbing it over somebody's face a hundred times until their face looks like a crossword)? Probably not that many, because you've never live...
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 I'M DYING OVER HERE
There are people in the funeral industry who really piss me off. First they try to guilt trip you into spending more money than you have for a royal send off. If you can't afford the Cadillac funeral, they try to make you feel like you're a cheap son of a bitch. I'd be happy if you all just recycle ...
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 DESIGN 101
Killing Roaches SimplifiedFuck all the bells and whistles of modern design. I don't need a gigantic chopping machine with four speeds and serrated edges to cut up my dinner–I'll just use a knife, thanks. Worked for Neanderthal man, should be right for me. I mean, they haven't changed the design of edible flesh anytime recent...
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 LITERARY
LOCAS–The Maggie & Hopey Stories, HANDWRITTEN–Expressive Lettering in the Digital Age, Funny PagesLOCAS–The Maggie & Hopey Stories
Jamie Hernandez
Love & Rockets Publishing
The Hernandez brothers' Love & Rockets project was one of the top 10 heaviest comics events in history. And if it wasn't for the other brothers dragging Jamie down, it would have been in the top five...
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 DEATH TO ROACHES
The Age of MachinesOK, so maybe not everyone is going to want to eat roaches to dispose of them (pussies). Some of you are going to need contraptions and gizmos to take care of your dirty work for you. We asked a few geniuses we just so happen to know to design us roach-killing machines. We also told them all that the...
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 VICE PICTURES
There is a place in Deer Shelter Rock, Wisconsin, which is so terrifying that going there stoned (which I just did) is the equivalent of, say, doing acid and watching The Shining by yourself in a cabin in fucking Romania.
It's called The House on the Rock, but they may as well just change i...
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 LONG GONE JOHN
And His Long Gone HomeI love waking up every day and being hit with sensory overload. I treasure everything–art, artifacts, junk–it's all the same. I go out every weekend to swap meets looking for more stuff to bring home. That's what I work for and what makes me happy.
As a child, I collected matchbook covers a...
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 POCKETS DUMB FAT
In case nobody told you, Atlanta is the new Atlanta. Check it out: A knock on the door. Who is it? I would happen to know. The one with the flow. Who did it? It was me, I suppose. JD's in the Rolls, Luda's in the Cut Supreme, and those fools are riding right the fuck out of town. It's getting too ic...
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 PILE OF SHIT
Interior Decorating the GarbageI fucking hate that magazine Wallpaper*. Sad yuppies beating off to the impossibility that one day, they too may be rich enough to build a giant chrome sphere on top of a Spanish mountain. It's just like the Vogue magazine syndrome, where a bunch of homosexual men decided what women should look like...
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 SKINEMA
I'm all about reading tabloids. ...
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 THE VICE A TO Z OF DESIGN
What ever happened to Herb Lubalin, Grapus, Tadanori Yokoo, Ken Adam (the Dr. Stranglelove/James Bond set guy), Kate Gibb, Saul Bass, Shinro Ohtake, Keiji Ito, Willy Fleckhaus, and all those Polish poster artists?
Being a designer used to mean you drove a Benz and you could get good drugs. ...
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 TIDBITS
Design ClassicsDUNKS
They kind of got overdone around 1999, but what a masterpiece. The Dunk first appeared in 1985, and it came with all this lofty PR talk about how it would make you fly and improve your...dunk. Nike print ads for it read, "Be true to your school." because it was one of the first sne...
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 PILLS OF SWEDEN
Inside Dungen's Medicine CabinetWhen I was going through my "classic rock" phase, I asked my mom if she was a hippie in the 60s and if it had been awesome. "No, I was not a 'hippie,' and no, it most certainly was not 'awesome,'" she spat. "People called them hippies, but I just called them BUMS. They never bathed and they would la...
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 VICE MAIL
Reader Responses to the Worst Issue Ever...
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 FREE PIMP C!
The Benefits of a Well-Designed LifePimp C is half of UGK, and he's one of the coldest Southern rapper/producers never to get his due. Though UGK had a couple of breakthrough moments–guesting on Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'" and Three 6 Mafia's "Sippin' On Some Syrup"–they're still a connoisseur's choice that few truly appreciate. Until they ...
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 SOUND DESIGN
Nore is Rap Music's Bob VilaAfter years of record label limbo, uneven record sales, and breakups-to-makeups with his partner Capone, Lefrak lyricist Noreaga finally got his mind right. Not only has he joined the Roc-A-Fella team, but the CNN superthug (whose first emcee name was Papi) is fully embracing his Puerto Rican herita...
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 MANDELA'S HELLHOLE
A Designer's ParadiseI am an all-right-looking, white South African girl that's been living in London for the last six months and it's just occurred to me all these English guys asking, "So, why did you move here?" are only asking because they want to get in my pants. Instead of trying to decipher who genuinely wants to...
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 VICELAND EXCLUSIVE: SURFACE TO AIR'S HELLO KITTY CROP CIRCLE
Sanrio commissioned Surface to Air (New York) to make an artwork celebrating Hello Kitty's 30th birthday for an exhibition at the Mori Museum in Tokyo.
The three members of Surface to Air who designed and oversaw the crop circle were myself, Rajan Mehta and Daniel Jackson. We made the piece...
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 WE'RE JAMMING
Hope You Like Jamming TooIs there anything more annoying than being forced to listen to some obnoxious idiot blather into their mobile on public transport? Wouldn't it be great if you had a battery-powered pocket device–like, say, a phone jammer–that at the press of a button instantly cut their mobile dead so they'd just sh...
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
Have you seen the packaging for Richard D. James' new Analord series? Go to rephlex.com and click on the floating faux-leather binder thing. It looks like one of those tacky menus with wipe-clean pages you find in fake posh restaurants, but I've heard it's actually a well-made and rather desirable i...
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 HORRORIZED
Capricorns' Death DesignsJust because you've got 5 million green skeletons sucking blood and cum out of a dead nun's cunt on your album sleeve doesn't mean that your metal group is scary or heavy or anything other than laughable and sad.
The original idea behind London's Capricorns was to design a truly scary heavy...
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 GAMES
Mortal Kombat: Deception, Kill ZoneMortal Kombat: Deception
Publisher: Midway Games
Platform: PS2
Genre: Fighting
Fuck PC-quality graphics and the "taste and smell" extension that X-Box are secretly developing for their release of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas because ...
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 BIG DEAL
Australia Wows the World With Big FruitFor centuries man has designed and built wondrous, awe inspiring monuments which cast shadows over mediocrity and survive as testament to their hard work. These creations, which seem to defy the boundaries of impossibility and laugh in the face of modern architecture, stand as paragons of that count...
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 WARPED VISION
Wolf Eyes According to Stoned PeopleWolf Eyes makes the kind of music that burrows into your skull like a hungry maggot. It's all screaming, atonal moans and chainsaw buzz combined with blood thumping bass kicks and fried bubbling brains and it's as scary as shit.
Pioneered by electronics crazed Nate Young in 1997 Wolf Eyes h...
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 VICE PARTY PICTURES
From The Vice Halloween PartiesROCKSTAR GAMES PRESENTS
THE VICE HALLOWEEN PARTIES...
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 DOOMS DAY DISCO
The Shitkatapult Strike 50 DVD is an example of design with a purpose where form reflects the content. The DVD is a celebration of this Scheiss fine label's 50th release and contains 24 warped, mind-boggling tracks and videos from the likes of Das Bierbeben, T. Raumschmiere and Apparat. What more ca...
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 VICE FASHION - FUNCTIONAL FASHION
Most things aren't designed for people in wheelchairs. When it comes to clothes, everything's just uncomfortable and unpractical; sweaters are too long, pants too short. A baggy t-shirt might look cool when you're standing, but sitting down it just looks lumpy. Because most clothing manufacturers do...
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