We're always receiving threats from angry readers. Sometimes they just challenge us to a fight. Sometimes the threats are more ambiguous and simply state that we will "be receiving some remedial ‘medication' in the coming months" (um, why'd you warn me?). They come from fags, WASPs, niggers, spics, whores, Jews, and, of course, neo-Nazis. The only thing they have in common is that they are all from irrelevant fucking pussies. Stupid, weak people who feel powerless and are desperate to replace that feeling of emptiness with some temporary rush of anonymous empowerment.

When Amy Kellner wrote in Vice that DJing isn't the most difficult thing in the world, she received dozens of threatening emails. They ranged from "you're a disgusting fat pig" to warning that she would be raped in front of her whole family who would then be killed en masse. "I don't have thick skin like you guys," she told us nervously. "When you see that stuff appear in your inbox, it's really disturbing." We told her to call the police because these threats are a class-B misdemeanor, but she just rolled her eyes (thereby acknowledging the secret truth—these people are irrelevant pussies).

But it's not just us. The NYPD alone deals with so many allegations of death threats, sent to so many different departments, that it is "impossible to quantify it." When you keep in mind that only 3% get reported, that's, I don't know, a kajillion! Our favorite example happened shortly after Yale law professor Amy Chua was interviewed in Vice about her book World on Fire. She dared to say that Venezuela democratically elected Hugo Chavez. She wasn't condoning the guy, you assholes. She was pointing out the downsides of democracy. Of course, Venezuelans are dumb as shit and immediately assumed she was pro-Chavez. Within 24 hours her phone and computer where inundated with hundreds of threats. One guy kept sending, every three minutes for a whole day, a picture of the WTC being blown up, with the message "Venezuelans are going to get you." Things eventually culminated in Chua needing armed guards every time she went to do a talk. Nothing happened, of course.

Most recently, our very close pals Jewdriver have been told that if they ever play a show again they will not leave the venue alive. For the record, Jewdriver is a Jewish skinhead band that takes the lyrics of Skrewdriver (a racist skinhead band) and changes them into funny ballads about bagels. Now they have to die? Who the fuck is making these threats? Whoever it is obviously doesn’t care about what their enemies are saying. For the record, DJing is easy, democracy isn't always fun, and Nazi jokes are funny. Not that it matters. All these “secret admirers” truly care about is shaking that nagging feeling in the back of their minds that keeps repeating, "You don't matter. You are being left behind." And that feeling is never going to go away. No matter how many people they pretend they're going to hurt. Ha ha.

BJ BANTAM

COMMENTS

jane fonda`, on Sep 11 2008 09:20:01 PM wrote: Im going to kill you vice!! You malignant fucking gook spic n.igger piece of fa.ggot shit!!! I'll be eating your shit for breakfast QUEER!!! You'll see!!! You'll have your way with me; you better believe it!! faerie boy! Subject: aztec army. stupid is worse than nazi. Date: Jan 19 2006 10:43:24 PM Author: andres jajaja fuck! that whole aztec thing is so insulting for me as a mexican. shit. fucking retards, i fucking hate those stupid mexican nationalist who think mexico is cool or something. mexico is a shithole, fuck mexico and every other country. being mexican (being a lazy drunk fuck) is cool. the nazis are everywhere. all of you nazi-hater-fags are a bunch fascist scumbags. the world is ending and i cant wait. ignorant stupid morons. fucking white (stupid-ignorant-tv lovers or left windend-close-minded-michael moore-lovers) people i fucking hate you, but i dont descriminate against you or what you dead or anything. i just wish you could grab a book and turn off your fucking tv (and thats not the answer either, not just because you stop watching tv you are going to become aware of the bullshit that is all around you and you may be saying). ahhh i guess we are doom, why do i bother?. fuck you all. ohh great and funny band pro-white (i hate people that when you say you are pro-white or you are proud of being white they think you are a racist or something) prussian blue, great article here in the always funny and trusty vice magazine. Subject: you guys Date: Jan 07 2006 02:59:13 PM Author: curious so, what do you folks think about Jesus Christ? Subject: This guy again! Date: Nov 29 2005 12:18:54 PM Author: Tacos are Delicious This guy has posted this messege under every fucking article in this issue. I actually do read the comments, which is very sad, but my job is boring and I have internet access. He writes: "Subject: TRUE MEXICAN Date: Sep 29 2005 09:46:16 PM Author: HONEST MEXICAN OK "DEATH" THOSE WERE THE OLD DAYS....GROW UP YOU FUCKING RETARD THE AZTEC EMPIRE WILL KICK YOUR ASS SOON ASSHOLE ... I GOT SOMETHING FOR ALL YOU COLOR HATERS: KNEEL BEFORE US THE INVASION OF YOUR COUNTRY HAS BEGUN .TOMOROW OUR INDOMITABLE MEXICAN ARMY MARCHES AGANST YOU, TROMPLING YOUR CITIES , OBLITERATING YOUR SOCIETY AND FOREVER SILENCING YOU , OUR OPRESSORS . WE SEEK NO TRUCE. WE OFFER NO MERCY . TO RESIST IS HOPLESS . SURRENDER OR BE DESTOYED . VIVA MEXICO" The mental picture of this is adorable. I see cute little Mexicans shouting "Ariba" and stuff, pinatas, burritos, and those awesome hats that they give out as pary favors at bar mitzvas. I can't wait for this invasion to happen. And, while your at it, I'll have a roast pork chimichanga with the green hot sauce on the side and an apple soda. Thanks. Subject: Oh, and "True Mexican"? Date: Oct 23 2005 11:09:16 PM Author: Right, right-- Listen, I'm all for the Viva Mexico thing except for.. Uh... Dominating other countries. If Mexico leads a conquest on others, then you're no better than the fucking Nazis we all agree to hate. Prove them wrong and coexist with everybody else. Subject: OH, PANZER-- Date: Oct 23 2005 11:06:39 PM Author: BAM! He called you a WHORE. :D Which is about right. Nazi's are NOT coming back, they're a pathetic nuisance and should just shut the fuck up. Seriously, last time I heard about a Nazi... It was tonight, something about two little singing freak twins trying to put a new face on racism. Come on. When it gets to the point that the once "ALMIGHTY AND UNSTOPPABLE NAZI ARMY" is using little girls warblings, then you know you suck. SUCK SUCK SUCK. Just die already. Subject: stupid panzer 88 Date: Oct 06 2005 08:11:45 PM Author: pablo 3 things panzer 88: 1 the neo nazis or whaterve are not building up, the fucking jews will crush you. 2 you are just a pro-nazi wanna be. and 3 you are an asshole. AND FUCK THE RACISM . VIVVA MEXICO PUTO DE MIERDA , MARICA PENDEJO CULERO HIJO DO TODA TU PINCHE MADRE Subject: TRUE MEXICAN Date: Sep 29 2005 09:46:16 PM Author: HONEST MEXICAN OK "DEATH" THOSE WERE THE OLD DAYS....GROW UP YOU FUCKING RETARD THE AZTEC EMPIRE WILL KICK YOUR ASS SOON ASSHOLE ... I GOT SOMETHING FOR ALL YOU COLOR HATERS: KNEEL BEFORE US THE INVASION OF YOUR COUNTRY HAS BEGUN .TOMOROW OUR INDOMITABLE MEXICAN ARMY MARCHES AGANST YOU, TROMPLING YOUR CITIES , OBLITERATING YOUR SOCIETY AND FOREVER SILENCING YOU , OUR OPRESSORS . WE SEEK NO TRUCE. WE OFFER NO MERCY . TO RESIST IS HOPLESS . SURRENDER OR BE DESTOYED . VIVA MEXICO Subject: forget the bible Date: Jun 16 2005 10:08:31 AM Author: honestly all you need to convince yourself that most humans are slavish, ignorant, hateful and practice atrocious spelling can be neatly epitomized in Vice's comment sections. It must be that Vice attracts lamebrains with masturbatory gratification insticts re. thier poorly formed opinions and biases becuase it dares to be enlightening whilst and via being crass. Most who comment on are the former, with none of the intellegence to recognize how idiotic they sound venting thier dial-up internet philosophies. Subject: Earn $$$ now! Date: Dec 29 2004 02:06:25 PM Author: Wendell Thrafft This is not off-topic. This is not spam. This is an anti-anti-Semitic metajoke. Geddit? Geddit??? Subject: Why you shouldn't threaten racist twats: Date: Dec 29 2004 09:04:06 AM Author: Jim Henson They can't help how they were raised but at least their dedicated to something, even if it is offensive and in most cases wrong. Yelling and threatening them only encourages them, if you ignore them and their backwards messages they should all die out like dinosaurs. Excuse spelling, English isn't my first language. Subject: ya Date: Dec 27 2004 06:34:18 PM Author: uhhh chicks dig jerks Subject: fat pig Date: Dec 26 2004 10:11:13 PM Author: dee tell that fat pig that shes dead! Subject: Canada wants more hate Date: Dec 16 2004 09:02:08 AM Author: matt ellis Why don't we get this in Vice Canada? That article was sweet. Subject: Americans! Reading doesn't hurt., really Date: Dec 15 2004 09:23:44 AM Author: milky Hey, Danyup Jona Jennings, KKK isn't present in most of Canada, just Saskatchewan, they don't even use daylight savings time there. I don't think a single Black person has ever driven through the that province, never mind lives there. P.S. Sap sucker, you talk about hygiene in Canada, we have more dentists here than anywhere else in the world, and the U.S. is full of the most morbidly obese people in the world. Subject: web interesting Date: Dec 15 2004 08:54:35 AM Author: mack WWW.MAC13VANDALISM.COM u must see the shortfilm happiness!! skinheads and more..many mooooree Subject: slavery Date: Dec 14 2004 12:25:01 PM Author: zippy I once made the terrible mistake of sending death threats to Wayne Newton. He may seem like a nice guy and all, and threatening his life with cut out magazine letters glued onto paper may be funny, but he knows people. DON'T DO IT. Subject: Faggy Date: Dec 13 2004 02:12:58 PM Author: Waggy I really __________ this article. I mean, Just because I _______, does that mean I ____________? Of course not. If people's opinions didn't _____________, then there wouldn't be any ______________. Keep it ____. 'nuff snuff. Subject: Hate Mongers Date: Dec 10 2004 07:16:12 PM Author: Danyup Jona Jennings If the world was full of happy people then it wouldnt revolve the way that it does. And the KKK is present in canada, sap suckers. Subject: huger Date: Dec 10 2004 11:22:46 AM Author: chirs is huger a word? Subject: cooking Date: Dec 09 2004 04:56:07 PM Author: cook cooking is easy. if all you want is instant noodles. but try making a 7 course gourmet meal served with the right wines without having years of experience in a kitchen and having read a shitload of books about wine. no matter what expensive tools you use you'll make a huge fucking mess and a even huger fool of your self. point made. Subject: P and Q's Date: Dec 08 2004 06:19:59 PM Author: TwinkleNards You are so dead!!! The next time you come to Venezuela... Fucker. Ha,ha. Subject: idiots Date: Dec 08 2004 10:09:18 AM Author: stupid I don't DJ, but i've tried a bit. It isn't easy, it actually is hard to learn to DJ. Truthfully, anyone can be a DJ, but the reason why no one is a DJ is because they spend thousands on equipment, 10 dollars each on a track, and then spend most of their time searching for new music, different types they like, and thus they help bring music to people that like to listen to anything else that isn't shit ass pop-culture which creates cultural idiots. Subject: turn it out Date: Dec 06 2004 08:45:30 PM Author: dj soloflex losers who need to get laid join a band. losers who need to get laid and have no talent become djs. Subject: sigh... Date: Dec 05 2004 04:53:58 PM Author: yeah right you guys are to blame for your own problems. just like Newtons law of gravity: For every action, there's a reaction. You honestly can't see yourself as the innocent victims here. The truth is that you are the ignorance/hate-mongering protagonist that spurs people to REACT against y'alls. So go wipe your ass first and then complain about how hygiene in Canada sucks. Subject: death djing Date: Dec 05 2004 07:03:41 AM Author: Error djing is not that difficult. the difficultthing is having good taste for choosing music. some retards who dj in clubs (and surprisingly keep their jobs) diserve a good kick in the nuts. y lo de retrasado también va para el tal sergio, capullo! Subject: DJ Date: Dec 05 2004 05:45:12 AM Author: DJ I know it has been said before, but djing is the easiest thing in the world. It is definitely far from the typing/writing comparison. Think about it fucker. Dumbass. Subject: nazi's? Date: Dec 01 2004 12:20:35 PM Author: jason asshole Nazi's are pussies. Pussies are the new nazi's. Subject: HATERS Date: Nov 29 2004 02:36:18 PM Author: Anti Manti Haters make everyone WAKE UP. Subject: DJ-ing Date: Nov 28 2004 05:19:45 PM Author: M Man, DJing is sooo easy. Subject: DJing Date: Nov 28 2004 05:54:08 AM Author: DJ Saying DJing is easy because anybody can press play on a turntable is like saying that writing for a magazine is easy if you can use a word processor. Subject: opiniones... Date: Nov 27 2004 12:50:56 PM Author: sergio Tal vez seais un poco bocazas y algo snobs, pero teneis todo el derecho a serlo y quien no lo entienda es que es gilipollas.¡Esto es una revista satírica! Aúpa Vice Subject: What the...? Date: Nov 26 2004 09:23:00 AM Author: Oakland annoyed keep perpetuating them stereotypes, bros. You´re really upping the ante in this arena, don´t you think? You ever been to Venezuela? Think twice before shootin you mouth off like that in my neighborhood. Shit..this was supposed to be my hate mail to you (but I suck at being vicious). Have a nice day and sleep well. Subject: oh Artie... Date: Nov 25 2004 08:57:15 PM Author: Ian Stuartstein well that explains it... we *HEART* Artie. therefore using the transitive property, we *HEART* Vice. Artie, we will be seeing you soon. Subject: jews and jew haters Date: Nov 25 2004 10:59:38 AM Author: Cory you spelled philie wrong up the jewdriver Subject: Vice and Jewdriver = "close pals"? Date: Nov 25 2004 10:09:58 AM Author: artie phillie artie phillie writes for this shit-rag and no one hates n*ggers and jews more then him so there is no-way Vice and Jewdriver could be"close pals" Subject: Vice and Jewdriver = "close pals"? Date: Nov 25 2004 08:51:26 AM Author: Ian Stuartstein Dear Vice, When did we become "close pals"? I am pretty damn broke, so can you loan your "close pal" some dough? Did you come see us when we played in New York in August? I don't remember meeting you... Anyways thanks for the free publicity, our death threats have gone through the roof since you published this...now if we sell any cds, maybe we really will have something to be thankful for. Your magazine is pretty funny, happy fucking thanksgiving you goyim assholes and next time we are in NYC, let's do lunch. Yer CLOSE PAL, Ian Stuartstein p.s. Jim Goad's article was excellent. Subject: wahhhh Date: Nov 25 2004 02:10:00 AM Author: Bob Hart Wahhh, we are the victims of irrelevant wusses! Wahh! Face it, there are reasons why you guys receive so much hate mail from demographics across the spectrum. Do you think people wake up and then decide to send VICE mag. death threats just cause they feel like it? You can taunt and mock these people behind your keyboard, but one day you guys will fall hard on your faces as a result. I'm so sick of VICE magazine trying to play victim to every single attack, and then justify themselves through a lopsided argument. VICE magazine is getting old in it's 'trendy years' and soon it will retire to the rusty old filing cabinets of a storage room. I can't wait. Subject: spank me Date: Nov 24 2004 02:52:54 PM Author: dr. sigi dont be such wuzzies!! you run a satirical mag here. you have nasty humour. you make fun about people. of course some people get really,really, really angry. obviously you touch them where it hurts. dont you realize, that some of your readers need this almost sadomasochistic relationship writer : reader. Subject: djing easy? Date: Nov 24 2004 02:22:31 PM Author: dj Blare Yes I belive djing is easy. It takes a couple of hours to master the mixing....six to ten years to read the room. If any of you in Vice Land dj then you'll know what I mean. Great mag. Can't wait to savour every new issue. Some of the retorts are so bi-polar it's like an un-intellectual and at times an intellectual game of mind table tennis. "Love" it. dj Blare Subject: no...you're dead. Date: Nov 24 2004 02:14:13 PM Author: piss ant Insert death threat here ( ) come on vice lets get er goin... you go first! Subject: OOOH I'M REALLY SCARED,POOP!! Date: Nov 24 2004 04:22:08 AM Author: ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS I MUST HAVE SHIT MY BRITCHES,OR I KNOW WHAT IT IS.SHUT YOUR O-HOLE, ASSHOLE. Subject: taking a dump on your face Date: Nov 23 2004 11:31:54 PM Author: Derek Dear Amy Kellner, I enjoyed your article on DJs. I hope no one hurt your feelings too much. You are a cutey pie and I would love to stick my face into your giant pink gaping vagina. Subject: Golf Clap Date: Nov 23 2004 03:37:27 PM Author: MistressChewtoy Bravo. Well written. -Toy Subject: shit stain on the brain Date: Nov 23 2004 03:05:44 PM Author: King Heron vice really is shit Subject: grt Date: Nov 23 2004 02:51:11 PM Author: gg Why did you call n.ggers "n.ggers" but kikes "Jews" in the first paragraph? Subject: Concise, clear Date: Nov 23 2004 11:40:48 AM Author: Dude I liked this article. It's amazing, the time people have on their hands, isn't it? And the pent up frustrations they fill it with.