Maybe it was around the time that Satyr from Satyricon admitted he loved the silky feel of Dolce & Gabbana underwear, but in the last few years, black metal has become less exciting than cream cakes.

Blame it on all the art fag hipsters who go to Immortal concerts so they can buy a T-shirt and wear it at their next opening, but all the hate-ridden, cold misanthropy seems to be leaking out of the music's bottom, leaving a stinky, slimy mess in its tight black jeans.

When you listen to most new black metal releases—especially the more commercial shit like Dimmu Borgir—all the hatred and icy aggression that black metal was founded on just isn't there any more. Most modern black metal groups with any degree of success have bloated into embarrassing cash cow showbiz projects like Mayhem. They all pale next to things like totally un-black metal ‘arty' music like Khanate and Whitehouse. Even Wolf Eyes is scary next to some of this shit.

One of the main reasons all the hatred and coldness has disappeared is that everybody's making so much money. They've lost sight of the motivations that made them want to start a band in the first place. What was once a quite scary, rebel voice in metal is now little more than a bunch of over-the-hill, trad rock bands playing over-produced goth and caring too much about hair.

The only good new black metal releases that we've heard are coming from people who hate the traditional band format and make music on their own in caves. The new Darkthrone's a good example of this, as is the devastating new Domine Non Es Dignus album from Birmingham home recordings duo Anaal Nathrakh.

Our favourite new black metal release however, is Leviathan's new Tentacles Of Whorror record.

Made by San Francisco tattoo artist Wrest in his home studio, the record sounds like being chased into freezing cold forest by a dude with a big fucking axe and getting raped over an anvil etc etc you know the deal. If you're into black metal and you don't have these three records, you're officially a poseur.

VICE: So the new record sounds quite hateful but I can't understand what you're singing about.

Wrest: The theme of the record is the terror and pain of being human in this existence.

What do you hate specifically?

I hate civilized society. I also hate lima beans...too chalky.

ANITA CRAPPER

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