TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Hate Issue
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HITLER DOLLS
The best thing about buying Hitler dolls and figurines is the weird disclaimers the companies make so nobody thinks they're racist. Inthepasttoys.com made these guys and they want you to know that "these dolls are meant to be used for historical reference." Our favorite however is Kingandcountry.com, whose Third Reich models are, "A warning in miniature" despite disturbingly reverent box copy like, "Their reputation for bravery and daring was second to none. Unfortunately their fanaticism led to several major atrocities that mar an otherwise excellent military record."
HIGH WINE
OK, it's not like the stereotype is unfounded. After all, the statistic is 100% of Native Americans have a family member that has a serious problem with alcohol. But making it the logo of the strongest booze in South America is a bit rich. That's like calling a toothpaste Darkie or a toilet brush Black Man or house cleaning soap Hispanic (oh shit, they did).
KKK KNIFE
This may be a funny thing to open your mail with at work but DO NOT take it home! You will invariably forget it is in your pocket, then you'll go to a strip club where the black bouncer will make you empty your pockets into that plastic dish next to the metal detector and then you're left trying to explain postmodern race irony to a guy that grew up in his friend's garage.
SS CD CASE
We get it. You're a Nazi. What else do you have, SS socks and underwear? Jesus Christ take it easy. You're like the Pee-Wee Herman of racism.
RAPE DETTERENT
Back in college we were taught that rape has more to do with assault than sex and half the time he doesn't have a boner, but come on. Are you telling me some overwhelming wafts of dead man barf shit isn't going to turn the guy off a bit? How can this shit not work?
BLACK DICK
Yes, negroes do tend to have bigger penises then most other races. Got it. The thing that's truly hard to comprehend is everyone else's obsession with that fact. White men care about black men's dicks more than black women do. These guys aren't racists. They're fags. Hey guy who bought this and laughed his head off for three hours, if you're so mesmerized by it why don't you just drop to your knees and give it a good smoke. You know you want to.
HOREHOUND
Yo! This goes out to that phase guys go through from about 23 to 27 when, after fucking for a few years and finally getting it right, they go on a whore bender. That means hanging out in shitty bars where you don't know anyone and working on blue-collar trash who chews gum real loud and would get fake tits if she could afford it. Then, after about four years of being a "whore hound" they wash their dicks off and come back to the girl next door they always loved.
HISPANIC SOAP
When you see cleaning products named after blacks and Hispanics you think to yourself, "How fucking behind are these countries? Like, we might have done that 50 or 60 years ago. What is the matter with them? Don't they have the internet?" And then it hits you, "Oh, the countries that market these products are just really fucking stupid and poor."
PAKY TAKY
The best parts of East Indians are those tiny pieces of rebellion they manage to squeeze under the fascist parent wire. Sure, Rajiv will be forced to wear slacks, dress shoes and a tie to school every day, but he managed to get a Dr. Dre The Chronic baseball hat and an Ecko sweater into the mix. And then the girls trick their mothers into thinking they got a nose ring because it's traditional (ha ha mom, it's punk here you stupid bitch). At first glance it looks kind of tacky but then you realize it's so uncool it's cool.
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Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | | crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
| | Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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