Guy, Barbara is GONE. No matter how long you wear the hair she left in the plughole stitched into the back of your head, it’s never gonna bring her back.Comments/Enlarge |
See all
Call the wife police, we have their prime suspect! Perfect 10s can get away with wearing an abortion as a jumper, so it’s extra-super-duper-impressive to see this girl pull off Sheila E 80s synth pop with the skill of an ugly girl. [Click for video]Comments/Enlarge |
See all
For Spanish tourists in New York, every single shitty boring square inch of sidewalk is “super fantastic.” Can you imagine how hard their minds would be blown if it was actually still fun here?Comments/Enlarge |
See all
Um, Amy, close your fucking purse. You think fags enjoy looking at your big gaping cunt and all the shit you ram into it? That's like their Kryptonite. They don't see cunts as the beautiful orchids you and I see them as.
Oh, wait a minute. Maybe I do understand the way fags see vaginas: as strangely obtrusive holes that just kind of appear out of nowhere and sit there hairy smiling like they own the joint.
When we saw this burning man at Burning Man we were like, "Hey Randy Macho Man Savage male porn star! What are you a roasted pig? Go lie on your stomach and put a fucking apple in your mouth. Ha ha." And then he goes, "Really hungry, overweight women in prison lie on their backs and touch themselves thinking about me." To which we responded, "Fuck, that's a good point. Sorry."
And homeless crackheads have no idea the joke they're making is putting an image in our head that's so fucking disgusting it makes us want to jump into a scalding hot shower and wash our genitals until they bleed.
No he is not German. I thought so too but I walked up right behind him and heard an all-American WASP talking to his buddies about what bar to go to—and knowing that we know that he COULD grow all of his hair down to his ass if he really wanted to. The thought of this guy showering and maintaining that tiger-sized rat tail every day is enough to make you want to buy throwing stars.
Could these two dudes deserve the moniker "Gnarly Asians" any more please? What did they, kill Jon Benet Ramsey for a hundred and fifty bucks? Guys, stick to biting the Guido style. The Khmer Rouge, gun-for-hire, jungle killer thing is freaking us out.
Look at these fucking douchebags. What are they, Armenian Ginos? Fuckin' grown men who want you to know that status is about holding large bottles of expensive vodka that they won't actually drink, dressing like Lil' Bow Wow if he was a Mediterrenean homo and telling society to fuck off. They look like Ali G teenagers in a line up of rape suspects. No wonder we're at war with them.
Remember that really, really dumb guy in the fourth grade who was excited about getting lice because he got called into the office to have his head shaved and everyone was talking about it? Well guess what. It's twenty years later and the only thing that's different is that his hair grew back.
(I bet he shits his pants).
Dude, 2,752 people died in those buildings and the best you can do is that a fictional character for little kids is depressed about it? Who else is bummed out, Barney the Dinosaur? Why don't you just have the leprechaun from Lucky Charms holding a dead fireman in his arms screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOO!"?
Finally.
Um, sorry but I live in a world where white people aren't splotchy and they can dance, working class people are stylish and self-aware and lesbians are really hot, thin, porn stars that wear high heel shoes and suck each other's fingers.
Fuck you reality!
