DOS & DON'TS

We love these East Village tweakers who broadcast public-access TV shows from their mother’s living room in Alphabet City. They are the real New York, and the neighborhood would suck without them. Never go away, Crimson Bernie! Comments/Enlarge | See all

Spanish crusties are everywhere in London at the moment and they’re looking FABULOUS. At the Insect Warfare show at the Old Blue Last we had dogs on strings sitting on bar stools, ordering pints. The rest of the crowd looked like this, from late 20s 7s with Anti Cimex shirts to amazing dykes with Punisher throat tattoos. Comments/Enlarge | See all

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IN THE MAGAZINE


Photo by the author

MUSCLE MANIA

This Bodybuilder is Better Than You Are

VICE: You look amazing! How long did it take to get this way?

Female bodybuilder: 12 weeks of heavy training.

What did you have to do?

A lot. In that photo, I am completely dehydrated and malnourished. You can't eat or drink for forty hours before competing. In the weeks leading up to the competition, I had to get up at 5 am, eat chicken, vegetables, oats and a protein shake, and then work out. Then every three hours, eat 50 grams of chicken and 100 grams of vegetables.

Amazing. I'll bet your family is proud!

I sacrificed absolutely everything in my life to become the person in that picture. I alienated myself from everyone, drove my own business into the ground, and a new relationship I had started really suffered.

At least you had the support of your trainer.

My trainer used to make me cry all the time. He'd put on some seriously heavy weights for a leg press, and tell me to do 100 reps. I was in so much pain, but he didn't care, he just made me do it.

But then you won! You were the champ. Your obsession fully paid off. What did you do afterwards?

Well, I let myself eat and drink water and it was really uncomfortable; I looked all puffy. I'm still recovering, and the competition was six weeks ago, I'm almost back to normal. But now I look at myself in the mirror, and I think I'm fat.

How big are you now?

5'1", 52 kilos.

This doesn't sound healthy at all.

It's not. Bodybuilding isn't about health or fitness. Bodybuilding is about what you look like, not your well-being or happiness. It's really hard on your kidneys from all the protein you have to eat. I greatly compromised my health for that competition, and I still haven't fully recovered now.

Was it worth it?

Absolutely.

JEFF SIMMERMON

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Comments

Anonymous, on Apr 11, 2009 wrote: this is fake... you dont win bb-contests with a physique like that. she got no muscle and looks horrible. so if all this shit isnt simply made up, you guys just found one more stupid human being. it shows your lack of information that you try to use that to mock fitness-athletes. ohh, if i wasnt so bored...

Anonymous, on Nov 24, 2008 wrote: You don’t often get very special surprises on Facebook. Some people get fat, married, pop out offspring la di dah. EXCEPT, a couple of weeks ago a meek but bitchy girl I never particularly like, befriended me. And it wasn’t a bullshit double-take profile picture. The lady is now a Body Builder, holy fucking shit. She uploads her profile all the time, and sends links to competitions she’s been in - and I can’t get enough. The only thing to top that would be to find out my grade 6 boyfriend turned into a girl.

Anonymous, on Nov 6, 2008 wrote: Not even the least bit attractive. Congratulations on your muscles now go back to being a woman not a side show.

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