HOME ARTICLES DOs & DON'Ts NEWS MUSIC FASHION REVIEWS ARCHIVES JOBS ACCOUNT

< PREVIOUS




If you’re not into 10s dressing all 80s glam because you think it’s too “ironic” or something, you need to go back to eyeball school.
Comments/Enlarge | See all



We know you heard men are “slaves to their dick,” but you realize there are limits, right? Like when you come bouncing into the club with a giant panty on your body and fuck-me boots, we laugh at your Jersey ass and even when our dick goes, “Come on, please?” we tell it to fuck off and laugh at both of you. Comments/Enlarge | See all







VICE 1ST BIRTHDAY
Pictures From the Parties
HARDCORE COLLECTORS
Fucking Shit Me!
BEATS + RHYMES
What's crack-a-lacking? 2001 is coming to...
DEAR DIARY
Entry: January 1994






PUKING UP BULLSHIT
The Media's Obsession with Obsessions
THE HUMAN ASHTRAY
And the Closeted Gays That Loved Him
HOMOSAPIENS TOO
Early Man Get Schooled by a Dickhead
I HEART ME
Luke Eargoggle Loves Everything



JEFF SIMMERMON
THE NAKED TRUTH
A Revealing Adventure in Perth
MUSCLE MANIA
This Bodybuilder is Better Than You Are
SHOOTIN' ROOS
Is the Worst Holiday Job Ever

See all articles by this contributor


You know when you get off the plane drunk and you don’t know anyone in town and you want to continue your buzz but there’s nobody to hang out with? That’s when this guy appears of nowhere and says, “Hey man, we’re all going to the Thirsty Nut because they’re showing a Mad Max marathon and there’s going to be free Guinness. Let’s do a bump and head over there.”
Comments/Enlarge | See all




Photo by the author

MUSCLE MANIA

This Bodybuilder is Better Than You Are

VICE: You look amazing! How long did it take to get this way?

Female bodybuilder: 12 weeks of heavy training.

What did you have to do?

A lot. In that photo, I am completely dehydrated and malnourished. You can't eat or drink for forty hours before competing. In the weeks leading up to the competition, I had to get up at 5 am, eat chicken, vegetables, oats and a protein shake, and then work out. Then every three hours, eat 50 grams of chicken and 100 grams of vegetables.

Amazing. I'll bet your family is proud!

I sacrificed absolutely everything in my life to become the person in that picture. I alienated myself from everyone, drove my own business into the ground, and a new relationship I had started really suffered.

At least you had the support of your trainer.

My trainer used to make me cry all the time. He'd put on some seriously heavy weights for a leg press, and tell me to do 100 reps. I was in so much pain, but he didn't care, he just made me do it.

But then you won! You were the champ. Your obsession fully paid off. What did you do afterwards?

Well, I let myself eat and drink water and it was really uncomfortable; I looked all puffy. I'm still recovering, and the competition was six weeks ago, I'm almost back to normal. But now I look at myself in the mirror, and I think I'm fat.

How big are you now?

5'1", 52 kilos.

This doesn't sound healthy at all.

It's not. Bodybuilding isn't about health or fitness. Bodybuilding is about what you look like, not your well-being or happiness. It's really hard on your kidneys from all the protein you have to eat. I greatly compromised my health for that competition, and I still haven't fully recovered now.

Was it worth it?

Absolutely.

JEFF SIMMERMON

SEE ALL ARTICLES BY THIS CONTRIBUTOR

< PREVIOUS









ABOUT US | SUBSCRIPTIONS | FIND VICE | MEDIA KIT

AUSTRALIA | AUSTRIA | BELGIUM: FRANÇAIS/NEDERLANDS | CANADA: ENGLISH/FRANÇAIS | DEUTSCHLAND
ESPAÑA | FRANCE | ITALY | 日本語 | MEXICO | NETHERLANDS | NEW ZEALAND | SCANDINAVIA | SCHWEIZ | UK | US

© 2000-2008, Vice Magazine North America | E-mail: vice@viceland.com | Privacy Statement | Terms of Use | Site Development: Solid Sender