IN THE MAGAZINE

TIDBITS

A Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Mistakes Issue

XANAX
"The first time I took a Xanax was to get some sleep after about an eight ball of cocaine. It worked. I slept for 13 hours and didn’t even know I missed a terrible hangover. It was like cheating death. Then I was stressed out about being late for work so I took another half to get through the day. Unfortunately, now I can’t get to sleep without at least a half pill. If I talk to people without it I’m so socially awkward they can’t even look at my eyes. I guess I’m in it to win it now."
—Rachel Christopher, 29

HEROIN
"I got into snorting heroin in college and seemed to have a pretty good grasp on it for the first five years of my habit. Then I noticed I was spending way too much cash on dope and decided to switch to needles. I remember thinking I was really smart and had tricked the system or something. Of course, along with the needles came a higher dosage. Eventually I just had to move to L.A. to get away from it. I had some friends smuggle some shit over on a plane last month, but besides that one fuck up I’ve done pretty good."
—Devin Stays, 32

CLARITIN
"I went back to work after an art opening because I had a ton of stuff to do and we were really far behind. I lay on the office couch at about 9PM to read a proposal. I must have passed out because I woke up at 1AM having no idea where I was. My eyes were super-puffy from allergies (we have mice at the office) so I took a Claritin. Only it was one of those non-drowsy ones, so I couldn’t get to sleep until 8AM that morning. That night was hell. I kept looking at the clock and punching my bed and going, "Goddamn it!!!". I even tried counting sheep but I did it so long they were doing handsprings and backflips. I think I counted to 3,000 or something by going one one-thousand two one-thousand. It sucked."
—Cyra Crenshaw, 21

COCAINE
"I was kind of tired and didn’t want to go out because I was still hungover from the night before, but I had friends in town so I kind of had to. I needed a pick-me-up, so I paged this guy we call “the handyman" and he brought over three bags of the shittiest coke known to man. It smelled like nail polish and really hurt your nose going in. I knew I’d be fucked the next day. When we finally got drunk (it took forever) I joked about writing a letter of apology to tomorrow morning. I was right. The next day was so bad I literally considered calling 911. I had these ass-burning diarrheas where it felt like my whole colon had splashed out. I couldn’t even wipe. I had to just dab it with cold toilet paper. I don’t know if coke is bad because it’s bad or because it makes you drink more than you could normally handle. Whatever it is I quit. Probably."
—Mark Summers, 29

POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. I even locked my windows during the movie so fuckers couldn’t get in. My girlfriend was eating ice cream and she was too afraid to put it back in the fridge so it just melted all over the floor. Did you ever pause it when they show the scary face? It’s too much. I even took a picture the TV. Anyway, the next morning we woke up and it was 2PM. We both slept past our alarms and missed seeing my dad, who was playing trumpet with these dudes over by the pier. Pot makes you sleep in like crazy."
—Derrick Jude, 25

COMMENTS

Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote: Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on

Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote: golliwog candies! if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need.

Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote: sit on my face

Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote: Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;)

Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote: Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry.

Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote: Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts.

crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote: i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah.

Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote: aw i love this

Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote: i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling.

Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote: nacism?

Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote: Don’t you know SHIT is the shit?

Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote: POT "Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!! smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow

Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote: bag hutch

Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote: sink ma teef innit

Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote: The eyedrops are not american

Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote: That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief.

Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote: GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote: Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote: I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years.

Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote: BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!