DOS & DON'TS

After suffering at the hands of store-bought Kurt & Courtneys, Sid & Nancys, and Siegfried & Roys for years, we've finally decided that the only acceptable Halloween costumes for couples are those British kids from the Goo cover, two back ends of a horse, or going as each other. Comments/Enlarge | See all

When did CBGB get taken over by roided-out rock ’n’ roll tourists? It’s become like Extreme Planet Hollywood, and I fear for its future if it carries on like this. Comments/Enlarge | See all

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Hello! I am a doctor and I am here to help any of you girls or boys who are sad about the lack of foreskins in your life. Yes, females CAN feel the loss too!

Despite the lack of any evidence for the benefits of male circumcision, the majority of circumcised men appear perfectly happy with the fact that their organ has been chopped and disfigured in order to satisfy outdated religious customs, cultural traditions or medical myths. Nevertheless, increasing numbers are attempting to correct the painful mistakes perpetrated by parents and priests. Motivated by a desire to experience the greater sensitivity enabled by the uncut cock, especially the fabled “gliding effect” lots of men are taking matters into their own hands, reclaiming their birthright through foreskin restoration. While such procedures can be attempted surgically, most I’ve known to attempt circumcision reversal have opted for DIY methods of “tugging” the foreskin back over the penis. Although countless variations exist, all tugging techniques are based around the gradual stretching of the residual skin on the shaft. The natural response of the skin to this tension is the production of new skin cells, thus enabling a brand new foreskin to grow. It sounds painful right? Well it is, but if you follow my five easy steps, I promise you some truly amazing results.

Here’s what I advise my clients to do:
Step 1. STRAPS & RINGS
For those with very little residual foreskin, I recommend starting with a tape strap. Begin by pulling the residual foreskin or the skin of the penile shaft over the bell end as far as possible – NOT until it starts to tear. Now fix the skin in position with one or more straps of surgical tape running from one side of the stretched penile skin, over the tip of the helmet, to the other side of the shaft. The tape is either changed daily or in most cases left until it loses its grip on the skin. Keep it tight.

An alternative technique to start with involves the application of a small rubber or plastic ring to the flaccid penis about half-way along the shaft. The head of the penis is then pushed toward the body and inside the tape ring, creating tension. This technique hurts a bit and, in the first few weeks of the regrowing, can cause huge, involuntary erections.

Step 2. PUDs , CONES & FOREBALLS
Once some slack has developed in the foreskin, you can move on to some more sophisticated methods. A Penis Uncircumcising Device (PUD) is a manufactured metal or plastic cylinder, bored through the centre to allow pissing, and concave at one end to admit the bell end. The skin is stretched along the outside of the cylinder, and secured with tape. Similarly, rubber or plastic cones in graduating sizes can be worn within the foreskin, which is held in place by tape. The enterprising tugger may wish to construct his very own custom cone out of Fimo or Sculpey (mouldable plastic putty available in art supply and craft stores).

Alternatively, a foreball is a small steel dumbbell, where one ball provides a mould for the restored tissue and an anchor for the tape, while the other can be attached to a weight or elastic garter (see below). This is an elegant device, but the cold steel may feel uncomfortable and lead to temporary shrinkage.

Step 3. WEIGHTS & GARTERS
After an adequate length of skin has been stretched, an extension device can be attached in order to increase the tension on the tissue. A simple weight is often fixed to a tape strap, resulting in further stretching through gravity. A bag of sugar makes a crude, yet effective weight (see picture). As an alternative, a taped elastic strap is sometimes attached to the back of a garter belt under the knee or at the waist to provide constant tension.

Step 4. ICING ON THE COCK
The time taken to achieve full coverage varies considerably, depending in large part on the initial length of the residual foreskin. While some men have achieved remarkable results in just a few months, the process can take as long as one to two years. Once full coverage of the bell end has been achieved, the natural narrowing of the tip of the foreskin (the “frenar band”) can be additionally reconstructed by minor plastic surgery, such as tissue removal or suturing (best to get the professionals in for this part). Et voila, your very own little pink riding hood, just like nature intended.

DR MITCHEL DANIELSON
Tough Love: A Rough Guide to Rough Sex (Blackstock Books) by T. Feely is available now in specialist bookshops.