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If Jamie Lee Curtis was a German biker and Peter Pan was a single mom these two would try to fuck them. Comments/Enlarge | See all



There’s something strangely insincere about these two. They’re either narcs, Amish teens in their devil’s-playground phase, or normal people in a four-month delusionary period where they think they might be weird. Comments/Enlarge | See all









Even if you can get in touch with your inner John Mark Karr and be turned on by her bullshit, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be getting caught with her by your ex-girlfriend? You’d be all, “I’m going through a selfish phase.”
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GIRLS AT COLETTE

Who Fucked Up

Colette is a store in Paris where every pretty and smart girl in the world (but mostly ones from Japan) goes to buy sneakers, magazines, and iced tea. We asked a bunch of them about the biggest mistakes they ever made....
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BEATS AND RHYMES

Ever since he started out with the BDP crew in the mid-80s, Cool G. Rap has been a legend in the streets. After dropping a few classics and chilling on the sidelines watching his children go pro, the man is back with reinforcements. Click of Respect (Igloo Ent.) consists of the Cool Genius himself, ...
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UNLEASH THE FURY

The Mad Genius Behind Scary Perry

"Stop looking so squished, for Christ's sakes, relax!" we scream at Perry while taking this shot. "I can't fucking relax with these fucking guys pushing meeee!" yells back a hysterical Scary Perry. The photographer is trying to capture the three stars of Windy City Heat, perhaps the most respected f...
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BY DESIGN

Welcome to the VICE School of Design. Thanks again for paying on your way in. Today we'll be talking about design mistakes: mistakes that won't necessarily get you fired from your cushy job-these are more likely to get you hired, actually-but fuck employment. We are uncompromising idealist designers...
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BORN TO LOSE

How to Ruin Your Child

This is a cautionary tale. If you leave your already fragile and brilliant 13-year-old son alone in a ratty apartment while you're off with your boyfriend, and your son's dad is drinking himself to death, some dark things will surface. In fact, your kid might end up not liking you that much....
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DEAR DIARY

Entry: November 1998

November 1998
Dear Diary,

I have a billion trillion thoughts running through my head right now. About my new tattoo and my parents' reaction (disrespect?). BJ and I got so high together, and all he talked about was hockey, the "crew," Lawng Island-I just ...
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WHERE ARE THE MISTAKERS?

Tracking Down the Mistakers of 2000

I knew these kids in New York back in 2000 who called themselves The Mistakers. They were kind of an art gang. Harmony Korine, Little Ricky who did T-shirts, Thuy and Miho from preppy clothes label United Bamboo. They all had these devil's-fork tattoos on their hands. They signed up to some kind of ...
-4355

I WANT MY DVDS

Inflated: The Blow-Up Doll Films of Steve Hall and Cathee Wilkins, Minor Threat: DC Space. Buff Hall. 9:30 Club, The Work of Directors: Spike Jonze, Michel Gondry, Chris Cunningham ...
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EAT THE RICH

And Burn Their SUVs

Fucking rich people. They're bastards! They think the planet is here for their amusement. From the rich-ass snobs in Britain hunting foxes like it's a video game to the greedy Americans in their gas-guzzling SUVs, rich people are sending this whole planet straight to fucking hell. How can we wake th...
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ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE

Derrick May once described techno as "just like Detroit, a complete mistake. It's like George Clinton and Kraftwerk stuck in an elevator." This incongruity could have resulted in enough good music to keep people freaking out on E in dark clubs forever and ever. But somewhere along the way techno cha...
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WONDER WOMAN

Wonders What Happened

What the fuck happened? I'm 30 years old, successful, semi-single, and well-respected by my family and friends. I got a business degree and penetrated the old boys' club from the ground up, and now I'm told I can't have a baby? Where did my life go?...
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VICE FASHION - DEAR ANNA WINTOUR: YOU ARE WRONG

This is What we Really Want

Photos by Danielle Levitt...
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I WANNA RIOT

How America Promotes Gang Rape

"The Jews own everything. Those Shylocks have pilfered everything we have and we want it back-NOW!"

Actually, that's not true. In America, Jews are 2.6 percent of the population, and they are only slightly disproportionately wealthy. American royalty is still strictly blue blood. ...
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LITERARY

Running with Scissors and Dry,Merz to Emigre and Beyond: Avant-Garde Magazine Design of the Twentieth Century, Plots Laid Thick

Running with Scissors and Dry
Augusten Burroughs (Picador; St. Martin's)

My biggest mistake of 2003 was not getting obsessed with Augusten Burroughs. We totally slept on this shit. Everyone compares him to David Sedaris, and they are similar in that they are both funny (as in ga...
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GUITAR GOD

John Fahey Can't Be Killed

If you have ears and you don't own any John Fahey records, you are making a huge mistake and need to get on the ball right now. He was the greatest guitarist that ever lived. We can't even spend too much time talking about his music (ragtime, blues, fingerpicking, avant-ism, and dexterity of the hig...
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VICE PICTURES

Photos by Ryan Forrester...
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UNLIMITED DECISIONS

God Save EMI

Why do people who make music get treated like they're not spoiled brats who need their arses kicked? Just because you can put three chords together, I have to take all the red M&Ms out? You rhymed "love" with "dove" and I should stand here while you throw your Merlot in my face? ...
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TIDBITS

A monthly look at things we love - v10n9

XANAX
"The first time I took a Xanax was to get some sleep after about an eight ball of cocaine. It worked. I slept for 13 hours and didn't even know I missed a terrible hangover. It was like cheating death. Then I was stressed out about being late for work so I took another half to get ...
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YOU'RE FIRED

Brian Jonestown Massacre Want You Gone

Is there a bigger mistake you can make than heroin? I guess you could leave the scene of a hit-and-run or fuck your brother, but being a junkie is still pretty up there. Anton Newcombe, the boss of Brian Jonestown Massacre, has been there and done that (the heroin part), yet when asked, still thinks...
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TECH‘N'ROLL

T. Raumschmiere Killed the Techno Star

Fuck if I know what to make of Berliner T. Raumschmiere. When I first heard his last album (The Great Rock and Roll Swindle), I thought, "Now this is techno that I can get into. This is techno that wants to get dirty and fuck." But then I listened to it some more and I started to hear all this arty ...
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FLEX DON'T VEX

Elephant Man Pon de Next

You might see Elephant Man rocking his signature army fatigues, trench coat, and yellow sneakers, and think, "Finally, a genre of music that allows artists to dress like elementary-school teachers." You might witness a whole club doing the "Give Dem a Run" dance and, mistaking it for a bastardized v...
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GAMES

True Crime: Streets Of L.A.

True Crime: Streets Of L.A.
Publisher: Activision
Developer: Luxoflux
Platform: PS2, Xbox, Gamecube

Why do magazines still talk about computer games being "breathtaking" and "stunning"? What? ...
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POINT STRETCHING

DIY Reverse Circumcision Is Easy

Hello! I am a doctor and I am here to help any of you girls or boys who are sad about the lack of foreskins in your life. Yes, females CAN feel the loss too!

Despite the lack of any evidence for the benefits of male circumcision, the majority of circumcised men appear perfectly happy with t...
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FUCK EVERYBODY

The Bronx Stick Hot Pokers In Punk's Anus

QUELLE surprise! Even though The Bronx just got signed to Def Jam for more money than you'll ever have in your life, they're neither an over-hyped rapper nor a bound-for-disaster Rick Rubin ego project (remember Palo Alto?)....
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WHO?

It's Mistakeman You Dummy

The Mistakanme, sorry, Mistakeman is a funky Turkish guy from Munich called Bülent Kullukcu who's constantly making mistakes. So while this is is bad news for his personal life-he always picks the wrong girl and is forever losing things-it works wonders for his music, since all music originates from...
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WHAT?

Neil's Children Spit In The Face Of Everything

Rock 'n' roll is so full of beautiful, confusing mistakes that sometimes I have to puke all over my ripped jeans!

Wacko movements like psychedelic diwali or Panjabi electro boogie prove that most rock and rollers have no idea which way they're going, where they're going to end up or how muc...
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YES

No Thanks

The genre of progressive rock-well at least the prog that doesn't come from Germany-is cited by many a serious music fan as being one of the bigger blemishes on rock's spotty face (along with jazz-funk and Oasis' Be Here Now). We're talking soulless muso music with oodles of noodles....
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RESIN DOGS

Have Trashed Every Car They Have Driven

With their new album Hi Fidelity Dirt just released, Brisbane hip hop collective Resin Dogs have been busy hitting the promotional trail. Countless interviews asking the same boring questions. We took the comedy tag team of Katch and Chris out for a few drinks and got them discussing the finer point...
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LUCKY STAR

Neon Just Don't Make Mistakes

Neon epitomise all that is good and righteous in the local Melbourne music scene at the moment. They are like a big karma factory. Even on the rare occasions that they have made mistakes-like the time lead singer Josh Bitmead shattered his guitar head and drummer Jamie Gurney lost his symbols before...
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BIG LIARS

The Mint Chicks Learn the Art of Truth

So, I don't know the first thing about New Zealand. All I've got is sheep, green hills and the Datsuns and out of those three I'm sticking with the sheep (sorry John). Then, out of nowhere The Mint Chicks show up and make us realise that we really should have looked harder....










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