CUM VS MOISTURIZERVICE Settles the Score!
People have been telling me that cum gets rid of zits since I was sixteen years old. I remember my best friend Caroline saying, “It works. Look at me, I always get it on my face and I don’t have any zits.” She also insisted that if she didn’t have a boyfriend after a while she would break out. The verdict was that swallowing it was pretty good but nothing got rid of zits like getting it on your face. After years of standing by said rules I have decided to rent a tractor trailer and call a big, gigantic, heaping, six-thousand-million ton pile of bullshit on that school of thought. To prove it, my good friends Nick and Lisa put cum on one side of their face and moisturizer on the other FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH. That’s right, every day Nick would summon some jizz and Lisa’s live-in boyfriend would do the same and they would both apply, compare, and contrast. At the end of every week they would take a Polaroid of the progress and summarize the differences between both cheeks. The verdict? You can’t see cum in Polaroids.
DONNA DELIVA
NICK: 24 YEARS OLD, NEW YORK, NY
 Week One, July 1–July 8, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: The cum is making it feel tighter than the other side. Like it’s contracting. It doesn’t feel any smoother, though.
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: My usual moisturizer always leaves me a little greasy, and that’s more pronounced when the other cheek has cum on it.
 Week Two, July 9–July 16, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: My skin is so sensitive that I thought my cheek would totally freak out, but I think that the cum is shielding me from all the gross New York dirt. It feels… I don’t know, solid?
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: Like I said, my skin is really tender so I use this super wimpy skin cream. I started to rub a little more of it in this week because compared to the cum, it seemed totally ineffectual. It feels like I’m getting a pimple now.
 Week Three, July 17–July 24, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: I swear to god, I feel like Iron Man over there. Cum isn’t porous like lotion, you know? It’s like a protein mask. I’ll bet you could take a jackhammer to that cheek and I could just whistle the theme to Andy Griffith no problem.
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: This face cream smells like my granddad’s idea of the future, but it isn’t really working on my face. It’s so slimy that I have to wash the excess off. I can’t rub it all in!
 Week Four—Final Week, July 25–August 1, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: This has been intense. I don’t think I’m going to keep it up every day, but I will use cum at least once a week on my face now. The best thing about this is that I have decided that everyone should masturbate twice a day. I really think that the world would be a better place.
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: Moisturizer is over for me. I think it’s a total scam. Compared to the results I got from using my own semen, it is child’s play. I’m so into fluid-recycling now that I’m starting to take those guys who drink their own piss seriously.
VERDICT: You shouldn’t put any kind of cream on your face. I think that thing about cum being good for your skin is a myth straight men made up so women would suck their dicks more often. The store-bought cream gave me a zit and the man-made cream was just a pain in the ass. If I had to choose a winner I’d say the cum won by a very slim margin.
LISA: 29 YEARS OLD, LONDON, UK
 Week One, July 1–July 8, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: First off, it’s weird to stand in front of the mirror in the morning and rub a load into your cheek, and it feels strange going out with cum on my face. The cum side feels kind of strained, like the way you feel when you’ve been in salt water for too long. It does seem really soft, though.
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: I am very brand-loyal. I’ve been using the same cream since university. The smell is really comforting to me, and I am complimented all the time on how smooth my skin is. I am not thrilled about my other cheek doing without this stuff for a month.
 Week Two, July 9–July 16, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: The cum cheek feels tighter, but very dry. It isn’t pleasant. I’m constantly wondering whether someone can tell if I have cum all over my face, too. I’ve taken to using more perfume just cuz I feel like I smell of spunk.
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: As good as always. I have taken to using a bit less each time I apply it. I wonder if that’s because it feels so much cleaner relative to the cum.
 Week Three, July 17–July 24, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: I thought very seriously about giving up on the experiment this week. The cum is wreaking havoc on my face. I have never had dry skin before, and now it is flaking off in alarming amounts.
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: Perfectly smooth. It’s like the little baby that gets pampered while the teenage kid gets ignored.
 Week Four—Final Week, July 25–August 1, 2003:
CUM CHEEK: I have no doubt that I will never let cum touch my face again. It created a glaze on my cheek, then a rough patch of dead skin. I hope it doesn’t take too long to get it back to normal.
MOISTURIZER CHEEK: Do you have to ask? I now feel like sleeping with a tube of this stuff next to me for the rest of my life.
VERDICT: Cum is not good for your skin. Maybe swallowing it, but that’s another experiment entirely. I would say the face cream wins hands-down!
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Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
I always heard that you had to jack-off a horse and use its seman...or just put your face in a porta pottie shitter.. | | Anonymous, on Nov 1, 2009 wrote:
Yep,different skin different res,but you should not compare with moisturizer,is more like very concentrate anti-aging substance.Hint:rubb it energicaly until it spume(ates)and not in very large quantities,also very fresh,do not let it coagulate.Not for daily treatment,once-twice a week.Wash your skin after a while(one-two hours).It will get bad first and by time better to perfect or direct to better,in function of age/skin type/other products you use/spearm quality.Having a lot of sex also help to make you feel better but USE not ABUSE,you wi’ll know/notice if is too much or too little.The effect is direct and imediatly,can not miss it.Do not miss judge or interprete,is not a garanted result (but...)What nobody says if there is a bad secondary effect so,as the pros does not combate this practice...go on.Wach out for addiction. | | Anonymous, on Oct 26, 2009 wrote:
Fucking freaks | | Anonymous, on Sep 29, 2009 wrote:
cum is great for ur skin | | Anonymous, on Aug 16, 2009 wrote:
just blew a huge nut in my fact and licked it all off | | Anonymous, on Aug 16, 2009 wrote:
just blew a massive load in my face and scooped it all into my mouth. ridic | | Anonymous, on Apr 16, 2009 wrote:
"CUM CHEEK: This has been intense. I don’t think I’m going to keep it up every day, but I will use cum at least once a week on my face now. The best thing about this is that I have decided that everyone should masturbate twice a day. I really think that the world would be a better place. "
Fucking Hillarious | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Stuff breaks me out bigtime. | | Anonymous, on Jan 14, 2009 wrote:
YO LISA I GOT A NICE BATCH FOR YOU NOW BILDING UP IN ME BALLZAC JUST POPIN ME WILY LIK A TUTROROR FOR YA NOW YA SYTUOPID BICTH GET IT AL OVRE YA FACE AND SOME IN YA FLANG YA WEE SLAGG YE AND SOM ON YA LOVERLY TATS IM FROM NEWPORT WHER YA FROM YA SLAGG | | Anonymous, on Nov 29, 2008 wrote:
Hey Lisa, you should try my cum instead... I promise it’ll work, but you’ll have to promise to suck it out of me though. | | Anonymous, on Nov 26, 2008 wrote:
funny expirament but litle dirty | | Anonymous, on Oct 24, 2008 wrote:
hahahah this is brilliant! | | Anonymous, on Sep 10, 2008 wrote:
Ok, I think that this is double edged sword. See, our bits are made to be used for specific purposes, repurposing them has different effects.
So, have you ever heard the old, Pregnant women benefit from swallowing sperm. that’s because foriegn dna is in their body. The guys sperm helped create a baby. This is further evident when younger people have sex that are genetically dissimilar. I say this from experience. With my first wife, for the first 6 years my cum would burn her. Her face, her down belows. My cum was made to bore through vaginal tunnels to get to an egg and fertilize it. The dna there would create problems.
Now, as I was with her, eventually this went away. I think as I aged the level of hormones had an effect.
My second wife had this same problem, but to a lesser extent. The first few years of our relationship unloading in her created discomfort. As well did getting cum on her skin.
So bringing this back full circle: Nick rubbed his own cum into his face. His results were pretty good. His juices were his own. They had little irritating properties and his body did not reject the "lotion" in anyway.
Now, let’s talk about Lisa. Obviously Lisa can’t produce her own sperm. She get’s her’s from her live in boyfriend. So this may be a long time relationship, but I question how much her body has acclimatized itself to his sperm. And on top of that, as a woman, she has a stigma of having cum on her face. Any woman looking at another women who has flakey bits coming off her face, might just look like she has cum on her face. Therefore in woman society she is a slut.
A guy having cum on his face is gay (and therefore possibly wanted by other men?) or his straight and accidentally got his on own spoog on his face. Which indicates that he is probably stupid and women will revile him without telling him.
So the problem with Lisa’s side of the experiement make it invalid. I would likely except it if Lisa and Nick had similiar results. But, Lisa is discounted in that
A) She does not share DNA with her boyfriend (orlikely has not had a baby with him). Therefore her body maybe rejecting the sperm.
B) A woman who has been pregnant by a man and is using his sperm for this experiment may have better results.
C) Lisa was unable to overcome social stigmas regarding cum on her face, whether real or imagined.
Therefore, this is not an accurate test. | | Anonymous, on Aug 30, 2008 wrote:
Female Hair Loss: Into Thin Hair
My name is Lisa and I did not like giving my husband a blowjob, now I love it and he does too.
I’ve read about this on the internet (A LOT) and on many sites but I did not believe it until I tired it. I love to give my husband oral sex and the cum I swallow does make my hair growth thicker and longer and my scalp is so smooth. I was only doing this once a week and I did not see any improvement in hair growth. Once I started to give him a blowjob everyday for two weeks I noticed a big change in my hair and new hair growth. The key is to swallow as much cum as you can as it is rich in Vitamin A Antioxidant that helps produce healthy sebum in the scalp and, Biotin - Helps produce keratin, may prevent graying and hair loss. Good nutrition is vital to healthy hair growth, just as it’s essential to overall good health. Cum is a great protein and is very high in vitamin A, B, C. Believe it or not I feel so much better after having my feel of cum each day, as it is nature’s best medicine (That comes from my Doctors mouth, yes she’s the on who told me this was true) . Girls do not miss this opportunity as your mans tool is the fountain of youth again from my Doctors mouth. Don’t ride it suck it.
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