TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Fashion Issue
VICE FOR HOUSE OF COURVOISIER
Here’s the story: Courvoisier (the fancy drink that P Diddy and Pharrell told you about) now has its own design label called House of Courvoisier. HOC recently had a bunch of New York designers compete for this super-high-paying job designing their shit all year ’round. We made them this T-shirt of Napoleon (who used to take bottles of the stuff with him into battle) without skin on his face and they liked it so much they made us do a limited edition of 100. Things were going really well until they started asking us about purses and boots and other Louis Vuitton-type haute couture stuff which, they could eventually tell, we knew fuck-all about. They ended up hiring Jeremy Scott instead, but we still got the T-shirts, which we like because there will only ever be 100 and it’s a good story.
Available at all VICE stores.
LEGAL CIGARETTES
Normally we would never consider putting cigarettes in the Tidbits section, but this is the fashion issue, and for some ethereal and European reason the design collective As Four has been handing out this weird Colombian brand at parties and art openings all over the city. That’s fashion. Get it?
ELECTRO BREATHALYZER
Move over pager, cell phone, and pocket knife, there’s a new accessory coming to this belt, and it’s called the CA2000. Holy shit, is this thing ever fun. First, you hit a button that gives you about twenty seconds to take a deep breath. Then you put your lips around the little hole and just fucking give ’er. We learned that “kind of wasted” is 10–20, “slurring words” is 20–30, “bombed” is 30–35, and when it just starts flashing the word HOT, you know you’re going to need a Xanax to survive the next day. Ironically, this thing prevents hangovers because when someone asks you if you want a beer you just put your finger up in that “hang on” kind of way and then ask the CA2000 what it thinks. If it says more than 30, you opt out. That way you can keep your buzz at the perfect level all night long, thereby avoiding things like fistfights with your best friend and anonymous ass-grabbings.
COKE PILLOWS
Remember Jennifer Lew, the artist/designer who makes pillows out of everything from pieces of toast with bunny faces to pieces of shit with no faces? Well, now she’s really “blown” our minds by making a series of cocaine pillows with matching stuffed razor blades. You can get them as a joke, but we find these pillows especially consoling on those apocalyptic Mondays after the eightball when each diarrhea feels like a liquefied abortion.
Available for about $80 from newmuseum.org
SHOE WHITENER
“OK, I got it. How’s this? We put a picture of a gray smudge on the box with my kid’s face on it.” I don’t get it. What has that got to do with shoe whitener? “It’s a white baby, get it? Gray gets overpowered by the ultimate white thing––a baby!”
You know what, Allan, it’s late and we’ve been working on this all fucking day. Let’s just submit your idea so we can say we met the deadline and we’ll deal with it tomorrow.
CHRISTIAN EYEBROW PENCILS
When you make it to that Tammy Faye world of fucked-up Christian ladies who put so much makeup on their faces they look like scary clown prostitutes, you also make it to that place where your face is gone. Your eyebrows are plucked off, your mouth is a red-stained hole, and your hair has become straw. That’s when you’re forced to buy Christian fake eyebrows. Ironically, God hates that. He hates fake flowers, and He hates that.
CRAZY SHOES
We bought these when we were in Japan and added the World Industries red laces when we got back here. It’s not great wearing them on the bus because guys will nudge their girlfriends and point at you, but if you get them really dirty in the pit they make you look both homeless and magic at the same time.
Like that dude in the Glastonbury “DON’Ts.”
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We keep losing the names and addresses of the people who send us these, so stick the info to the back of the Tidbit or something.
 Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | |
| crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
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| Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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