TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The Erik Lavoie Issue
ERIK LAVOIE’S SOCKS
These are about the best socks you’ve ever seen in your life. They’re all cottony and cozy and soft. You’d even wear them on the beach if you could. And check this out: When you take them off and hold them by the top they retain his foot shape—hello!
ERIK LAVOIE’S SHOES
Hey, Phil Knight, you ever seen these? No? Nor did we. They are a one-of-a-kind, totally fucking rare pair from, like, 1902 or some shit. He got them at a garage sale by giving the lady his own fucking shoes as a trade.
ERIK LAVOIE’S HEADPHONES
Hmmmm, let’s see who makes these...hmmm...oh wait, what’s this? Oh, it’s some writing on the top––“Sennheiser.” Oh yeah, what are those again? Oh yeah, I remember now. Those are the very best headphones money can buy. I’m so surprised. NOT!!!
ERIK LAVOIE’S ASHTRAY
“It’s actually a mold of my teeth I had made in Montreal so I could get gold fronts,” Erik told us, ruminating over this amazing conversation piece. “It seemed like a funny thing to do back in ’94, but I couldn’t hack it. They’re really uncomfortable. You can’t close your mouth properly and they give you this piercing headache.” Could he rule more?
ERIK LAVOIE’S TOOTHBRUSH
While most men scratch their gums into oblivion (never to be heard from again), Erik has the sense to use a brush that gives his perfect teeth the care they deserve. It’s strong enough for eleven-year-old girls but it’s made for a real man.
ERIK LAVOIE’S COFFEE MUG
While everyone else is satisfied with some wise-ass, “Say no to drugs” mug, Erik goes back to the old motherfucking school with Tom Wilson’s hilarious Ziggy character. “I think his son Tom Wilson Jr. is doing it now,” Erik explains. “I never got those jokes.” Yeah, because you’re too smart probably!
ERIK LAVOIE’S DISHWASHING THING
Want to get off baked-on grease and nacho cheese, and then wash a pint glass, all with the same fucking implement? Well, unless you’re Erik Lavoie I doubt you’ll be able to. Erik uses this thing that pushes soap out to the bristles every time you push down hard and the thing can tackle any fucking dish in the universe. It’s like what Bruce Willis probably uses.
ERIK LAVOIE’S BEANS
If your boyfriend came home and said, like, “Honey, I’ve brought home some beans for dinner. Let’s eat some beans tonight,” you’d be like, “Um, no thanks, I’d rather not spend the night in a Dutch oven.” But if it was Erik (and you knew him) you’d go, “Yes, please!” because the guy’s farts are like the sweetest perfume in the world. There’s even a company in Quebec that makes an incense out of it. It smells like pomegranate.
ERIK LAVOIE’S SHIT
I know that sounds gross but that’s because you don’t fucking know the guy. The Dalai Lama’s shit? Shitty. The Queen’s shit? Gross. Even George Bush’s shit isn’t that great. Erik’s shit is minty and fresh and tastes like a Power Bar. It’s even green, for fuck’s sake. No wonder people all over the world flock to it for a photo op. It’s a bloody tourist attraction. It’s a miracle!
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Anonymous, on Nov 7, 2009 wrote:
Hm-m-m, such a nice magazine were all the shit from over the world placed. Keep on | | Anonymous, on Jun 9, 2009 wrote:
golliwog candies!
if packaging in the us was that awesome, we’d have just about everything we need. | | Anonymous, on May 25, 2009 wrote:
sit on my face | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
Tims makes the *best* Salt & Vinegar chips--and its amazing with Cabernet ;) | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Correction asshole: MUSICIANS benefit humanity. The industry benefits nobody but the industry. | | Anonymous, on Apr 3, 2009 wrote:
Fuck you Vice for promoting music theft and fuck snot-nosed whiny babies with an entitlement complex who cant shell out fucking 0.99 for a song you can play for the rest of your life and don’t care if they’re comlpetely destroying an industry that benefits humanity immeasurably. Cunts. | | crimewave, on Feb 8, 2009 wrote:
i recognized those xanax from a thumbnail. fuck. yeah. | | Anonymous, on Feb 5, 2009 wrote:
aw i love this | | Anonymous, on Feb 2, 2009 wrote:
i drove past sambo’s in santa barbara in april 2000 and everyone in the car had exactly the same reaction. the fact that there was a storm coming, so it looked like a ghost town just added to the "did we just drive back to the forties?" feeling. | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
nacism? | | Anonymous, on Dec 2, 2008 wrote:
Don’t you know SHIT is the shit? | | Anonymous, on Dec 1, 2008 wrote:
POT
"Me and my girl rolled about three joints before watching The Ring and oh my god did we ever get scared. bollocks !!!
smoke 3 joints and walk around glasgow | | Anonymous, on Nov 28, 2008 wrote:
bag hutch | | Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2008 wrote:
sink ma teef innit
| | Tiago, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
The eyedrops are not american | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2008 wrote:
That is not a "cheap slingshot" in the rattlesnake egg envelope. Spin the plastic or metal ring that is suspended by the two rubber bands and put it back in the envelope like that.. then, when someone opens the envelope it makes a loud noise (as the rubber bands unravel, spinning the button against the paper)and they yell and then everyone laughs. say duh, you cheap thief. | | Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote:
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote:
Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! | | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote:
I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote:
BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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