TIDBITSA monthly look at things we love - v10n5
ERIK LAVOIES SOCKS
These are about the best socks youve ever seen in your life. Theyre all cottony and cozy and soft. Youd even wear them on the beach if you could. And check this out: When you take them off and hold them by the top they retain his foot shapehello!
ERIK LAVOIES SHOES
Hey, Phil Knight, you ever seen these? No? Nor did we. They are a one-of-a-kind, totally fucking rare pair from, like, 1902 or some shit. He got them at a garage sale by giving the lady his own fucking shoes as a trade.
ERIK LAVOIES HEADPHONES
Hmmmm, let’s see who makes these...hmmm...oh wait, what’s this? Oh, it’s some writing on the top“Sennheiser.” Oh yeah, what are those again? Oh yeah, I remember now. Those are the very best headphones money can buy. I’m so surprised. NOT!!!
ERIK LAVOIES ASHTRAY
Its actually a mold of my teeth I had made in Montreal so I could get gold fronts, Erik told us, ruminating over this amazing conversation piece. It seemed like a funny thing to do back in 94, but I couldnt hack it. Theyre really uncomfortable. You cant close your mouth properly and they give you this piercing headache. Could he rule more?
ERIK LAVOIES TOOTHBRUSH
While most men scratch their gums into oblivion (never to be heard from again), Erik has the sense to use a brush that gives his perfect teeth the care they deserve. Its strong enough for eleven-year-old girls but its made for a real man.
ERIK LAVOIES COFFEE MUG
While everyone else is satisfied with some wise-ass, Say no to drugs mug, Erik goes back to the old motherfucking school with Tom Wilsons hilarious Ziggy character. I think his son Tom Wilson Jr. is doing it now, Erik explains. I never got those jokes. Yeah, because youre too smart probably!
ERIK LAVOIES DISHWASHING THING
Want to get off baked-on grease and nacho cheese, and then wash a pint glass, all with the same fucking implement? Well, unless youre Erik Lavoie I doubt youll be able to. Erik uses this thing that pushes soap out to the bristles every time you push down hard and the thing can tackle any fucking dish in the universe. Its like what Bruce Willis probably uses.
ERIK LAVOIES BEANS
If your boyfriend came home and said, like, Honey, Ive brought home some beans for dinner. Lets eat some beans tonight, youd be like, Um, no thanks, Id rather not spend the night in a Dutch oven. But if it was Erik (and you knew him) youd go, Yes, please! because the guys farts are like the sweetest perfume in the world. Theres even a company in Quebec that makes an incense out of it. It smells like pomegranate.
ERIK LAVOIE’S SHIT
I know that sounds gross but that’s because you don’t fucking know the guy. The Dalai Lama’s shit? Shitty. The Queen’s shit? Gross. Even George Bush’s shit isn’t that great. Erik’s shit is minty and fresh and tastes like a Power Bar. It’s even green, for fuck’s sake. No wonder people all over the world flock to it for a photo op. It’s a bloody tourist attraction. It’s a miracle!
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COMMENTS
Anonymous, on Jul 13, 2008 wrote: GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! |  | Anonymous, on Jul 11, 2008 wrote: Edgy stuff!!!!!!!!!! |  | Anonymous, on Jul 3, 2008 wrote: I’ve been enjoying hot spotted cock for years. |  | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2008 wrote: BOUDREAUX’S BUTT PASTE haha I saw that at work the other day and the bagger and I couldn’t stop laughing!
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