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Fuck space. Normal girls are the final frontier. Has anyone besides your brother and his friends ever actually made out with one of these? Are their vaginas even like ourses’? Comments/Enlarge | See all



Pretending to laugh while your eyes well up with tears is the worst way to deal with the fact that you fell asleep first at the slumber party. If you want to really show up those cunts, just be like “What?” and leave it on—for days if you have to. Comments/Enlarge | See all







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Black trash dresses so much better than white trash it’s confusing. Where the trailer park has those stupid fucking jean shorts (not cut but made that way), short white socks with a logo, white Reeboks, an oversize Nascar shirt or something with a stupid beer pun, and the ubiquitous baseball hat, the ghetto has about 10,000 shades of hair dye, tits hanging out all over the place, piles of gold, pink hot pants, and a whole other assortment of bells and whistles (like real whistles). Hey, white welfare of America, ever heard of enjoying life? Comments/Enlarge | See all




Photo by Jamie-James Medina.



Last month, while Erik Lavoie was wrestling with girls because he thought they had his coke bag, we were at the 99-percent-black Cosa Nostra garage rave at Hackney Ocean, London, and holy shit can that crowd hang. All pristine Air Force Ones, starched Evisus, and mad fake ice while smoking weed, sipping on brandy, and effortlessly tearing up the floor. It was like a fashionable, 21st-century, African Happy Days—and don’t even get me started on how hot the girls were.

At 3:30 a.m., some young MCs from East London’s Nasty Crew started spitting 600 mph raps over beats from their boy Jammer. They tore the fucking house down. They all grew up in the grimy estates of East London and used pure guerrilla tactics—pirate radio, illegal raves—to attract the attention of people like our boy Mikey Streets, who just got Nasty MCs Monkey and Sharky to do some vocals for him.

VICE: So how come young, black British artists are making British white artists look so shit?

Jammer: Cuz with us it’s not even about drugs, y’know. Nowadays, the music that we’re making isn’t about Es and all that. You smoke some weed, feel the vibe, drink a little drink and then you’re listening to the beats and the lyrics and that gives you the energy. You don’t want to be taking too much drugs and shit, ya get me?

Not even cocaine?

Nah, bro. No way.

You look down on people who do it?

Don’t get man wrong, I know man who smoke work [crack], but no more, ya get me? He fixed up. But if a man smoked work, that’s a workhead even now. It depends how a man’s mentality is, but I don’t want no workheads around me, ya get me?

What’s up with Monkey? How did he get that name?

Cuz he spits like he’s smoking monk [skunk]. With bare gaps. Poet, tho’. He paint a picture. He more advanced than Mike Skinner. He got a higher vocab still. Ya get me?

JACK STEEL

What do you think of Erik Lavoie?
Jammer: His eyebrows are so wide apart. What is he? What galaxy is he from?

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