For centuries scholars have stared at the face of Erik Lavoie and said to themselves, “What the fuck is up with that smile? It’s like a not-smile.” It’s like the sun. You can feel its intense energy and dig its vibe, but as soon as you look at it—you can’t look at it. It’s too much.

French Canadian scientists may have the answer. “The smile may confuse us because of the way the human eye processes information,” says Prof. Beauchemand from the Societé Nationale de Science (SNS). “His smile is essentially a soft illusion that you can never focus on. It’s confusing, but it’s directly related to the two types of vision our eyes use.”

You may have to drop acid to get this, but check it out: Our vision consists of two modes of interpretation, foveal (direct) and peripheral. Erik’s smile is so enigmatic and smooth that it can only be seen with peripheral vision. “His smile is housed almost exclusively in low spatial frequencies.” Beauchemand explains. “If you try to focus on them, they disappear. The more you try the harder it gets, because staring directly at something kills your peripheral vision.”

For those of you who don’t believe us, focus on this letter right here, the letter x. Now, you’ll notice that the longer you stay fixated on it the harder it is to see the letters around it. Erik’s smile isn’t just an x. It’s an intricate combination of all the letters in this paragraph. You have to pull back to enjoy its brilliance.

Some of you may not be happy that we have spelled this out for you. Who wants to see strippers getting ready for a set? What woman wants to see her boyfriend cleaning his foreskin in preparation for a blowjob? Don’t wreck the magic show, Prof. Beauchemand! (A sentiment that she is all too familiar with.)

“I’m demystifying the magic that some experts have known about for years,” she told us apologetically, “but I’m not debunking his greatness in any way. The facts behind the intense beauty of Erik’s smile are revealing to scientists some fundamental truths about vision and light that we are only now unraveling. We don’t expect to ever figure out Erik Lavoie as a whole. Nor should we.”

HUGETTE CHABOT

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