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DOS & DON'TS

Bow-ties are almost impossible to pull off without looking like a groom at a Las Vegas wedding or a magician who works children’s parties, but these two faggoty little smart Alecs have nailed it so hard they’re making me wonder what their warm little cocks would feel like in my hand. Comments/Enlarge | See all


These guys remind me of what vikings would have been like if they were slightly more courteous and also dressed like gaylords. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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ALSO BY THEYDON BOIS

BOUND FOREVER
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Zoot Woman in much happier times. That’s Adam on the left.Photo by Liam Duke.



Hey what happened? One minute Zoot Woman are primed to take over the world with their sharp tunes and fancy suits, the next they’ve vanished off the face of the planet.

Blame fucking Madonna. Two years ago, just as they released their amazing debut album Living In A Magazine, she offered main guy Stuart Price the role of musical director on her GAYS-OR-OLD-PEOPLE-ONLY Drowned World tour, which he obviously accepted. That plunged Zoot Woman into disarray. Without Stuart, the young synth prince better known as Jacques Lu Cont from Les Rythmes Digitales, the group lost direction, their star attraction stolen. The band’s remaining members, brothers Adam and Johnny Blake, replaced him with a stand-in bassist and carried on touring, but for some reason the only country that accepted this makeshift line-up was Germany. Try touring for months with only sour-faced Krauts to talk to and ham and parsley sauce on the rider to eat. Not even the free beer could make up for the miserable time they had—and what’s more, they all got really fat and couldn’t fit in their fancy suits any more. DISASTER!

To make matters worse, Zoot Woman paid the price for being briefly ahead of their time. Back then, Linkin Park was the height of sophistication. Presented with Zoot Woman’s key attributes—stylish attire, futurist glamour, new romantic sheen—people laughed nervously but secretly loved their cute white boy disco soul. A year later, everyone’s so preoccupied with electroclash that they forget it’s cool to like Zoot Woman, who pre-empted that whole movement anyway. Tiga felt so guilty he even apologised to Stuart Price at some electro party.

Now they’ve arrived fashionably late for their own party. “It’s Automatic”, a nice track from the first album backed with effective remixes, is coming out and their second record is almost done. We tried to speak to Stuart but were told he was tied up on a promotional tour of the US with Madonna, doing yoga and pretending not to be nervous around her. So much for band solidarity! Guess it’s a question of priorities. We did speak to Adam Blake (pictured left), however, who sounded quite sheepish and started talking about Zoot Woman being “an albums band” and how the new song are more personal than the last. Boring stuff, even when provoked.

VICE: Fucking Madonna eh? Do you blame her for ruining your life? It’s not the first time she’s done it to someone…

Adam: No, I don’t at all. I think it worked to our advantage ’cos we did European tours without him and that did a lot for me and Johnny ’cos most of the questions are directed at Stuart.

How does that make you feel?

Part and parcel of it. We always accepted Stuart’s got a high profile. Actually, that sounds quite good “Blame Madonna”.

At least you’re not bitter about her stealing the main guy out of your band, effectively ruining your chances of success.

Yes

THEYDON BOIS
It’s Automatic is out this month on Wall Of Sound

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