David Cross is on vacation in Salt Lake City, where he is preparing dinner for his many wives. He has asked fifteen-year-old Taylor DuPont, a freshman at Walton Prep Academy just outside of Port Chester, Connecticut, to fill in for him on this month’s column. Taylor was told that he could write about anything that he wanted, it really didn’t matter, because the readers of VICE are an ignorant, self-interested lot who won’t care about it anyway. Taylor has informed us that the $28 he will receive as payment will be put toward the purchase of a plasma-screen Nintendo GameBoy with full-on home-theater mini–sound system. David Cross will be back next issue. He is working on a scathing piece about socks.
