YOU ARE SO DEAD
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Brian
“When I was walking out of class I hit this guy’s books off his desk. We brawled outside after that.”
Detentions: Hour-long, once a week.
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The Bullies Are Back
Contrary to what the parents at No Bully say, (they’re a Colorado-based organization trying to stamp out violence in schools) bullying is here to stay and there is nothing us weaklings can do about it. Most professionals in the field suggest looking the other way when someone threatens to pound you, but ignoring a rage-filled teenager with enough bubbling testosterone to instantaneously wither a set of tits from 50 yards away will only make things worse. If you’ve become a focal point for bullying, you have two simple choices: Deal with it until they find another fag to humiliate, or fight and hopefully win. That’s it. (If you want more cogent advice on taking a beating, see VICE Vol. 9, No. 10.)
According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (NCIPC), more than one third of American high-school kids reported being in a physical fight in 2002. And as we all know, high-school fights are no joke—they are classically one-sided and much more humiliating than getting your ass kicked in a bar, where at least everyone will be too drunk to care.
Do you get into trouble for smashing up some goth kid’s face? Sure, a little. Today most American high schools boast two kinds of detention: the hour kind, for folks who mouth off a bit or are late more than once, and the extended detention, which lasts at least two hours and prohibits children from doing anything but homework. In Catholic schools the same rules usually apply, though instead of the word “detention” they use “JUGs,” meaning Judgment Under God. (Which also means that if a really fat kid gets in a fight he has to tell his parents that he will be late coming home today because “I got JUGs,” to which his mother will reply, “I noticed, but why are you going to be late?”)
The NCIPC also recently reported that violence among high-school students is climbing fast. Columbines aside (because they throw off the school-violence grading curve big-time), kids are much more prone to show up for homeroom strapped than they were even two years ago. The study also found that more than 6 percent of high-school students surveyed had carried a weapon to school during the preceding 30 days. Get it?
You are so DEAD!
