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What the fuck are you glowering about? If that sexball let me put my freckly hands all over her person I'd be doing dances with her that make Skeritt Boy look like a tree-sloth who hates sex, not getting into staring problems with every other guy in the room. I guess heavy hangs the face that wears the tits. Comments/Enlarge | See all


What is this, the Lockhorns? Even if, taking the high road here, your husband's defective penis isn't at least partially the result of your own middleaged bloatification, parading it through the airport can't be helping. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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ALSO BY TIMOTHY MOORE

LUST AND FOUND
Fee Steals Weird Shit to Make You Pretty
LAST STOP MELBOURNE TOWN
The Excessive Habits of Alex Viviano

See all articles by this contributor





Photo by Ali McCann.

You know how occasionally someone comes along, shakes shit up and makes you realise what it is like to be living after the fall of communism? Alex Viviano is that kind of person. Artist, song writer and selector, he is creating pretty messes across Melbourne town to offend the senses. His hygiene is his art. I found him teabagging downtown at a half-empty Bar Misty mid-week. He intrigued me, as he shook his three-bags-full to the bashment whilst sniffing amyl.

I cornered him at a themed house party to get down-low on his style and substance.

VICE: You’ve lived in Wodonga and Auckland, so what made you come to Melbourne?
Alex: I was actually born in Melbourne, but moved to Wodonga with my family. There are way more beats down here.

I was looking at a painting of yours and I have a suspicion that you are obsessed with junk food or indeed anything excessive, judging from the subject matter.
Yeah, I am obsessed with food. Mainly the way it looks and obsessive eating and obsessively eating to entertain. I don’t really know how much I actually consume myself though. My main diet at the moment is like pork crackling and KFC. I swear I thought I’d gone off chicken ever since my bout of fried chicken food poisoning. I just started again recently. Eating only the skin though.

I like the idea of over eating. A while ago I became interested in putting on a large amount of weight. I think I went from 49kg to 77kg over a span of about 5 months. I used that weight powder. You know like the stuff they sell in the gym?

You really have suffered for your convictions. Do you find people are open to excessiveness in Melbourne, as opposed to Wodonga?
People in Melbourne are much like Wodonga except they dress better and have better haircuts.

I heard your song the other day—“bossybottom.” What is it all about?
I like the notion of being the servicer, forever pluggin’ the bossy bottom. My lyrics are all about poppers, food, and straight boys. Oh, and vomiting straight boys.

TIMOTHY MOORE
His vomiting fits are violent but so is the lyrical bite as doppelganger Viviano. He’s here to save you straights. Check him nightly in M-town.

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