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If you get caught driving while horny you can either give your penis a breathalyzer, let them take a cum sample, or talk to Officer McBonebender over here.
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Sorry FOB. You can try to pull us in with the maple leaf and being cute and everything but you’re still a Project Runway challenge.
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Photo by Jamie-James Medina.



You may have heard this story before. It’s the one about the country girl who moves to the city and somehow manages to retain her innocence in the face of overwhelming corruption. Only, the story of how Jamaican Dancehall DJ, Warrior Queen, rose up is Little Red Riding Hood in reverse. When this aspiring young gal moved from St Catherine’s, Spanish Town to Kingston she embraced the slackness and became the wolf.

Looking to style herself as a female Bounty Killer, Warrior Queen—who took her name from Xena and then stole the crown —set out to be the loudest and lewdest DJ on the circuit, chatting gun lyrics that would make Ninja Man’s weapon shrink with fear. Having eaten all the opposition at home, she moved to London two years ago in search of fresh meat. She hooked up recently with renegade dancehell producer The Bug, to record the unforgiving “Action Pak” for Rephlex Records, a track that exploits her reputation as a ‘bedroom bully’.

VICE: So Warrior Queen, why you look so mad?

Jamaica is ardcore. New York is ardcore. Ere is… differen, unnerstan? If I wanna perform, I have to go where Jamaicans go.

British men are too limp for your liking?

A guy say, ‘If you ever make me your boyfriend, then you will never regret cos inna bed me wicked.’ Unnerstan, he’s braggin about imself. This guy’s talkin’ so much I decide, OK then, I’m gonna see what can work out. Sometimes they use anxiety as an excuse. ‘It was because I wanted it so bad, that’s why I cum so quick. The second will be better.’ But, the second one is even worse than the first! We need our orgasm, yeh. And if that guy doesn’t satisfy you then you will have to tell him the truth.

And how does that go over?

Y’know, he’s in another world. The sex is so sweet, he’s enjoyin imself. And he starts talkin. ‘Ooooh. Warrior Queen, I luv you. I’m with you. Take everything I ave. My cheque book, my credit cards.’ He gives you everything, even his wallet with a load of money. And then, when he realise what he done after, he goes, ‘You crazy. How can I give you this?’ That’s reality.

CHRIST CLIMPION

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