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Every time you think it’s going to be a boring night, Jeremy Scott and Kai always pop up smelling like Balloon and—just like that—the whole evening becomes a “happening.”
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So, you’re a fat fuckhead with glasses and you dig Eastern religion as much as you hate war. I know, dress as a Hawaiian Ganesh and hold a fucking peace sign out like any of us give a shit.
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Matching tattoos are a great excuse to get girls to show you their private areas. You can say, “Cool—who designed those?” while you’re thinking, “Korean asses aren’t much but maybe that’s all I want tonight, a nice little assappetizer before dinner.”
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DOWN DOWN TO HELL

And Say Matt Leines Sent Thee Thither


Title: Untitled
Artist: Matt Leines
Gallery: New Image Arts
Medium: Acrylic on wood
Price: $1,000

Matt Leines’ paintings look like mythic hieroglyphs from some culture that anthropologists haven’t yet unearthed, maybe some place that sunk into the ocean when Pangaea broke apart.

There are strange stories going on here, like why is that Zeus guy sticking lightning bolts in those other dudes’ heads? Why is that big, bearded guy’s face melting into a pile of all-American-colored globlets? Why does it feel like climbing into these drawings would turn you into an omniscient scholar-god who has sex with thousands of young neophytes daily?

Matt lives somewhere in that part of northern New Jersey that remains verdant and secluded, and was unreachable for comment on these questions. Apparently he still lives at home, but his parents’ number is unlisted.

VICE STAFF


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