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If wizened New England history professor isn't in the cards, this is what I'm shooting for at age 80. Somewhere in between the mechanic that comes with a PlayMobil garage set and the last face you see on the highway before the chainsaw comes crashing through the windshield. Comments/Enlarge | See all



It may not take that big of balls for South Asians to do the Romper Stomper all-whites thing, but there are far nicer ways of communicating this than demonstrating a blowjob on the world’s tiniest penis. Comments/Enlarge | See all







DEAR DIARY
Entry: December, 1991
DEAR DIARY
Entry: 1992
DEAR DIARY
Entry: October 1990
DEAR DIARY
Entry: March 28, 1991






& STONED
Fursaxa Inhales the Bad and Exhales the G...
GAMES
The Getaway, Vietcong
VICE FASHION - READY TO DIE
Ryan is eighteen and lives in Virginia. H...
NOT FIT TO PRINT
Running a magazine is like running a c...



LESLEY ARFIN
SO, AHAB, CAN I BUM MY DOOBAGE?
Movies That Made Us Wanna Do Drugs
THE SALVATION ARMIES
Imitation of Imitation of Christ are Proo...
HEROIN CANDY
Freezepop Make Cute a Necessity
DEAR DIARY
Entry: April 1992

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Superfluous Suspenders is more than just a good name for a really, really awful improv team; it’s a free license to do whatever gangly dinosaur dance pops into your plastered head and still be surrounded by a pack of leering wolves.Comments/Enlarge | See all




DEAR DIARY

Entry: September 12, 1995


September 12, 1995

Dear Diary,

I tripped on acid for the first time last night. Really strange. At first I was really confused and PARANOID, it was really bad. The visuals were insane. Colors all melting and stuff. Then I felt like I was this crazy, intelligent human being. I was looking down on all the crackheads and all the SXE kids because I had the best of both worlds right there in the middle. It’s better than E because E turns you into such a dork. It was good and I liked the mind trip but sometimes I just like to be planted down in reality. I love Kris, she’s so fucking cool. I don’t want her to think I’m not. I know she doesn’t though. I want to turn into the supreme human being that I know I am. I think I can do it.


July 1, 2002

Dear Diary,

And so began the Acid Years. I quickly discovered how much acid sucks. Actually, it wasn’t so quick. I’d say it took 10-------–12 more times of dropping that horrible substance on my tongue for me to actually realize that I didn’t need to take acid ever, ever again. How gay is drug culture, by the way? I mean, Ecstasy, acid—even weed, it’s all pretty dorky. Black-light posters, lava lamps, house music. It’s a suburban marketing scheme and that is the pits! Yesterday, a 32-year-old friend of mine was supposed to meet up with me, but when I called him he was all out-of-sorts because he had taken Ecstasy. Hello? People still do that? I guess so, although I don’t know how anyone over the age of 21 can think being a drooling, suckling, smoking homo would be fun. Me, I’ll just stick to heroin, thank you. No, I’m kidding.

LESLEYARFIN

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