DOS & DON'TS

New dads take note. When you work away from home too much and raise your kids on birthday magicians, cartoons and MTV Emo hour you will come home one day to this and start yelling: Sarah, I can't even recognize Kylie any more. Comments/Enlarge | See all

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa. Not trying to tell you what you can and can’t do with that face, but maybe you should leave the tricycling through the Red Light district in a raincoat to someone a shade less skeezy. Right now you’re making my ass clench so hard I’m worried my next dump will be glass. Comments/Enlarge | See all

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FROM THIS ISSUE

		GOD DAMNS IT Why Scientists Are Pure Evil

		INTERVIEW WITH A TREE Evergreen Can't Talk

		DEAR DIARY Entry: Spring 1992

		THE NAKED TRUTH A Revealing Adventure in Perth