ARTICLES BY SARAH SILVERMAN
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 FREE HOROWITZ
Winona Ryder Can Eat My Hairy AssWhen I first submitted this article, the editors sent it back saying, "Didn't you get into Judaism, like, an hour ago?" To which I responded, "Hmmm. Let me think about that."...
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  LIFE WARRIOR
Surviving the Pain, the Fear, and the HurtEveryone is looking for someone to blame. Not me. I've had plenty of fucked-up shit happen in my life and I'm not looking for anyone to account for it. I have no hunger for vindication, no thirst for explanation. When the great orangutan of life reaches back and flings a handful of poo at me, I stand tall. Splattered but not shaken (which is also how I take my drinks)....
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 RONNY AND ME
The Special Olympics of ComedyRonny Weintraub is this 41-year-old retarded guy who I always see at my shows at Caroline's Comedy Club. He's a kind of fixture there. In their minds, he's a retarded adult who they tolerate and allow to watch the shows as long as he behaves himself. In his mind, he is a big time, hot-shit manager w...
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 NO SHIT
The Truth About Female DefecationI have never gone to the bathroom. Sure, I have peed. I've tinkled like an adorable puppy, like a pretty ballerina. But never the other.
I'm just lucky that way. I have never been mad enough to take it out on the bowl. What did it do to ever deserve such punishment? Why would anyone give su...
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