ARTICLES BY CHRIS NIERATKO
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoLA PINK
If it appears I am unfairly reviewing more Burning Angel videos than other company’s pornos, you would be correct. Joanna Angel is no dummy. She pays me with blowjobs...
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  MISSION SKATEPOSSIBLE
I Gave 200 Skateboards to Cuban KidsI am a giving person. I don’t know what it is; it’s just in my nature to put other people before myself. Take yesterday, for instance. I was at the White Castle drive-thru when the little lady inside the glass box told me my total was $5.55. I gave her $21.05. She said I’d given her too much money and tried to give me my extra dollar and nickel back...
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 SKINEMA
JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT UNCUT
Remember last year when Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband’s penis? The news sent a shock wave through the misogynist community like a frickin’ A-bomb. Gigolos...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoTHIS AIN’T STAR TREK
God, I fucking hate remakes (both porno and mainstream). It says a lot about the intellect of our Hollywood writers when the best they can come up with is to make G.I. Joe...
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 EPICLY MADE OVER
I Tried to Get Marisa del Santos L’dGirl skateboarders aren’t hot. It’s just how it is. I wish they were but they’re not. It’s a dude’s activity and so they feel they need to act/dress the part of a dude to get accepted. The premier girl skateboarder is and always will be Elissa Steamer, and for the bette...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoWE YUM YUM CUM
I hate when people speak to their kids in baby talk. It’s annoying. Then people wonder why their kids turn out to be mental midgets with no social grace and an inability to...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoIT’S SUNNY IN BRAZIL
A bunch of my friends are pro skaters from Brazil and they’re always telling me the craziest stories from their childhoods of murder, drug mules, and prostitution...
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 PATENT PENDING
Over the years I have come up with some ingenious, inventive designs to help mankind. I have written them all in a notebook. I have showed this notebook to no one. I have been meaning to submit them to the patent office but I just haven't gotten around to it. Not a whole lot of time for patenting wi...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoGREAT SEX DURING PREGNANCY
Can you do me a favor? Pretend like you didn't see the picture above and when I ask you to guess what my wiener put inside my wife's guts, just say, "I don't know, what?"...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoLIVE IN MY SECRETS
I'm working on a new VBS show called Sexy Slumber Party in which I have sexy slumber parties with naked porn stars and we have popcorn and girl talk until they start to cry and tell me how they were abused at a young age and that's what drove them to hand out ci...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoDISCOVERING ALEXIS TEXAS
A year or two ago, Vice sent me around the country to promote my book, Skinema, and one of the stops was in Austin, Texas, at the largest bookstore in the state...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoGAPEMAN 2
Fuck. Google this DVD and look at the back cover. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BACK COVER! It made me want to vomit into my laptop. Dead center there is...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoTHIS AIN'T THE MUNSTERS XXX
I don't like scary movies-they scare me. I was seeing a therapist once for it but it all seemed like a big waste of time. I felt like he wasn't listening to me. He was always texting...
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 CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION 3
JERRY HSU (AGAIN)
Vice: Jerry, I'm eating a salad. Is it OK if I eat while we talk?
Jerry Hsu: Of course. If it makes this easier for you and makes it go by quicker for me then go ahead and eat...
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 CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION 2
A GUY WHO ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY CHOKED A GIRL WITH HIS PIERCED DICK
Vice: So what's your story, Patrick?
Patrick Melcher: Well, I happily live in LA with my girlfriend now but...
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 CHRIS NIERATKO - SECTION 1
A GIRL WHO GOT HER FACE FUCKED UP REALLY BADLY BY A DOG
Vice: You used to be a model?
Sarah Bedell: I've done modeling. There's an agency in Hawaii that I worked for and I've done some small commercials. I did stunts on Baywatch. I had a one-page in Playboy....
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoCUM ON MY TATTOOS 4
Vice: Hi, boss lady.
Joanna Angel: I thought we were going to be able to do this legally...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoBLACK POWER 3
I've always dreamed of having Black Power because I think it would be awesome to be able to dunk a basketball. When I was younger I could touch the rim but now I'm fat...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoCHESTY PREGGOS
You want to know what the best part about a dead baby is? No dirty diapers. No diapers at all really. No money spent on formula. No painting bedrooms pink or blue...
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 SKINEMA
By Chris NieratkoLATINA GRANDE
This DVD was shot entirely in Peru, which I believe is in the northern part of Mexico, but I'm not very good at geometry so I can't be totally certain. You know the old saying...
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