Have you ever wondered who exactly are those hordes of people hanging around like a herd of sheep puffing on cigarettes all trussed up in scarves and hoodies on the streets of central London? Well, wonder no longer! We decided to go out and meet the kids who come to England to embrace our cheap and efficient cut-price higher education opportunities.
Courses at places like the Callan School of English on Oxford Street will see you with a “degree” in a third of the time it takes in your average undergraduate course and for a fraction of the price. Most Londoners tend to ignore these clumps of students huddled in groups outside faceless doorways on some of the capital’s busiest streets with such skill that they might as well be invisible. Here they are for you all to have a look at.
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Name: Luiz Ando da Lina
Age: 21
Country: Turkey
Studying: English at Meridian
Vice: How have you found England after Turkey?
Luiz: It smells of pee everywhere.
I think that might be the foxes. Have you tackled an English kebab yet?
No, they look like elephant legs.
In what way?
The smell also is like elephants. |
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Name: Paula Pace
Age: 21
Country: Latvia
Studying: English at TLCE, central London
Vice: How does Latvia compare to England?
Paula: London is very grey. I miss Latvia.
How about the people?
Londoners are very closed. In Latvia people will talk to you on the street. Here: nothing.
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Name: Xavier Suarez
Age: 22
Country: Ecuador
Studying: English at Marylebone House
Vice: Whenever I think of Ecuador all I can think of is that shitty song by Sasha.
Luiz: I only ever heard that when I moved here.
Were you a fan?
Not really, I don’t like techno.
What kind of song do you think embodies London?
I am not sure, where I live there are loads of stabbings. A violent one? |
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Name: Osman Jilmazz
Age: 20
Country: Brazil
Studying: English at Westminster Academy
Vice: Does studying in Westminster give you a sense of England’s monarchical past?
Osman: No. There are nice women around here though. Very smart dressers.
Aside from the power-dressing business lunch girls, what else gives you the hots for the UK?
The food is awful but the music scene is fun. More nice women who speak beautifully. |
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Name: Liriam Salinas
Age: 25
Country: Italy
Studying: English at Westminster Academy
Vice: Hey sour face, what gives?
Liriam: There are too many people in London. I can’t handle it. It’s way too busy.
Is there a silver lining?
I like The Smiths and they play that a lot in clubs here so I guess that is kind of OK.
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Name: Armand
Age: 29
Country: Afghanistan
Studying: English & Business Studies at Lambeth
Vice: Hang on a minute, you look way too old to be a student.
Armand: You are never too old to learn.
Do you miss anything about Afghanistan?
Here I have peace and freedom. But not very good weather. |
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Name: Bocchiacini Giovanni
Age: 23
Country: Spain
Studying: English at St Nicholas College
Vice: Hey there, your name sounds a bit like a sandwich. Do you like sandwiches?
Bocchiacini: No.
You sound pretty down. Do you like England at all?
No.
Nothing?
No, how can you live here? The weather is awful.
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Name: Marco Persiani
Age: 21
Country: Turkey
Studying: Engineering at St Nicholas College
Vice: Wow, someone that isn’t studying English. Did you already know English when you arrived?
Marco: Not really, I picked it up as I went along.
Isn’t it hard to study something complex without even knowing the language you are being taught in?
Not really, there are lots of technical terms. You just focus on those. |
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