EVERYTHING ELSE YOU CAN DO
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Ocean Beach, Photo: Sandy Kim
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OUTSIDE
Say what you will about San Francisco: The girls aren’t that hot, the weather blows, and it’s too expensive. But it’s hands-down the most beautiful city in the US. If you don’t believe that, then you’ve never been here, and when you do get here, a simple stroll around town will convince you. As far as views are concerned, take a jaunt over to Crissy Field outside the Marina District and walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s only two miles long, and if you’re lucky you might just see someone jump off. Another amazing view is from Twin Peaks, which looks directly down Market Street all the way to the Ferry Building. Go to the top of Bernal Hill, which is unlike any of the other spots because it looks at the city from the south going north. Be careful of the dogshit, though! Lastly, try to make your way over to Land’s End, which is the westernmost point in the continental United States. The view is spectacular, and if you can get a joint lit, it’s probably the best place to smoke one in the city. There are a bunch of parks and beaches here too, but we’re going to note the ones where you can get away with the most shit.
Alamo Square - This one only gets a nod for its role in Full House. If you want to see the painted ladies, which are the six houses on Steiner between Hayes and Grove where Uncle Jesse lived, then hit up this park. You can take a nice photo of the houses with Downtown as the backdrop.
Baker/China Beach - It’s on the picturesque side of the bay and almost heavenly on certain occasions. Tons of nudists flock here when the sun is right, but don’t get too excited—it’s mostly old gays shirt-cocking.
Dolores Park - Situated between 18th and 20th streets in the Mission, it’s a marvel in itself. It is unofficially divided into four quadrants; the Latin American Soccer Annex, Hipster Beach, the Family Nook, and the Man Shelf. On the northwestern side of the park, we have the LASC, where Mexican and El Salvadoran men play soccer almost daily. You can identify its location by the lack of grass. Hipster Beach is also on the north end, but to the east, and is where lots of people meet on sunny days to get hammered and smoke weed. Cops turn a blind eye to rampant alcohol consumption on the beach. It’s probably one of the better places to people-watch and is packed whenever the weather is favorable. The Family Nook lies to the south and is just what it sounds like. People do drink on that side but not with the same level of blatant disregard that they do on the HB. The Man Shelf, on the southwest hill of the park, is where Castro’s finest sunbathe. Prepare yourself for many a mankini.
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Golden Gate Bridge, Photo: Sandy Kim
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Golden Gate Park - Starts at Stanyan Street and runs about 50 blocks west, all the way to the beach. The park is an entirely man-made structure. Every tree was planted by the city, but it looks like a goddamn jungle. Check out the de Young Museum and the Bison Fields. It’s impossible to summarize the park, so just walk in and you’ll find a good time. Also, pack a sweatshirt because it’s the first place the fog rolls over.
Ocean Beach - It basically spans the entire western perimeter of SF. Weather permitting, it can be very beautiful and if surfing is in your blood, try paddling out, ’cause it’s no fucking joke.
 Anonymous, on Oct 21, 2009 wrote:
First off, fuck Berkeley you fucking hippie! I drink in Dolores Park all the time. I drank there on Saturday. Ive never had issues with the cops over drinking or getting high, but Im not gonna be stupid either(pissing on the beach is a different story=$160). It is not uncommon for me to walk home from work drinking a beer which to an outsider might sound stupid. Its different out here. Yeah the Halloween party.. You’re right about that, but the rest of this five years ago crap is pretty much bullshit. They have issued more tickets, but that hasn’t stopped myself or any of my friends from continuing to live in a perpetual state of adolescence. Also, if a cop does fuck with you, being polite with some yessiring won’t hurt. Its gotten me out of a few jams. I’ve met quite a few cops out here who are totally chill and decent. When you bust out that fascist pig stuff, make sure you’re totally justified, because your fucking yourself over. Stop being such a pussy! | | Anonymous, on Sep 20, 2009 wrote:
The comments on public drinking at the street fairs leaves me speechless. Did you last visit 5 years ago? The jackboot has come down on all of it. How could you not mention that the nannies and celibates successfully deployed the baloney-brained pigs of the SFPD to exterminate the Halloween party? You’re living in the past, pardner. | | Anonymous, on Sep 20, 2009 wrote:
Bernal Heights (not ’hill’) is unlike the other spots because you’re looking from the south to the north. Um. What about Twin Peaks, which you mentioned in the previous sentence? If you are looking ’down’ Market St. from Twin Peaks, you are looking to the northeast. You can also see plenty that is due north. Telegraph Hill and Grandview Park in the Sunset have beautiful views of the north. | | Anonymous, on Sep 12, 2009 wrote:
land’s end is not the western most part of the continental US. its a pretty cool area however | | Anonymous, on Sep 8, 2009 wrote:
yeah, what one of the other Anonymouses said: Urban Ore is all kinds of not in San Francisco. it’s still a wonderland, just... on the other side of the Bay. | | Anonymous, on Sep 8, 2009 wrote:
this is already dated. police are now cracking down on drinking in dolores park and at most public festivals (bay to breakers, etc.). also, urban ore is in berkeley, not san francisco. | | Anonymous, on Aug 28, 2009 wrote:
DOLORES PARK is the best place in the world. Ive gotten stoned/drunk so many times there. | | Anonymous, on Aug 28, 2009 wrote:
DOLORES PARK is the best place in the world. Ive gotten stoned/drunk so many times there. | | Anonymous, on Aug 10, 2009 wrote:
I had no idea the park is entirely man made!! thats pretty unbelievable really | | Anonymous, on Aug 10, 2009 wrote:
china beach? haha i bet that one is fun | | Anonymous, on Aug 10, 2009 wrote:
these pictures are amazing (minus the last one! yuck!) | | |
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