IN THE MAGAZINE

A GUIDE TO THE ART OF CONVERSATION

And How To Endear Yourself To Your Creative Hero

HANNAH BROOKS

Photo by Briony Wright

Whether your creative hero is a musician, actor, skater, filmmaker, designer, blogger, dancer, professional ratbag or another variety of artist altogether, the most important thing to remember is that they’re not normal.

Since artists are not normal people, it is vital to make certain concessions to normal human interaction. Do not approach them with the same attitude you would your local 7/11 guy – especially if your hero happens to have chanced upon fame and fortune. This is not to say that every artist is an asshole. Many are quite humble and constantly surprised that their name turns up millions of Google pages, while others are not only self-obsessed but just plain mean (a good example being Lou Reed). Regardless, just like a good hot tub, the trick is to know what you’re dealing with before you go in.

So if you happen to be charming or clever enough to end up in the same room as your artistic hero, these are some helpful rules that might help you avoid looking and sounding like a pointless bore right at the critical moment. Ultimately, these people just want to have a good time and in an ideal world, they’ll be having a good time with and thanks to you. Read carefully and good luck.


DOs
- Before meeting your hero it is essential that you know your stuff. If, unfortunately but understandably enough, your hero is Lou Reed, it is imperative that you know every detail of every single goddamn thing he has ever done. We’re talking every bootleg of every B-side off every 7 inch he’s ever released. They will call you on it so you’re going to want to be prepared. If you don’t know your details, not only could your fandom be questioned but your general intelligence as well. Also, know where they are at in their career. You will look like an imbecile if you ask them how their new album / film / show differs from their others, only to have them reply “This is my first album”.

- Do make sure you actually know what your hero does. It sounds obvious but if you’re hazy on the details, the results can be disastrous. Think about this scenario. You attend a concert of a touring Japanese band. You get backstage and start chatting to the guitarist about how much you love their playing. They nod politely for five minutes until you finally shut up and they explain in broken English that they are in fact the drummer. Not only will they think you are completely stupid but they’ll also think you’re a racist who can’t tell people of a different nationality apart. Bad, bad move.

- Even if it goes against your better nature, it pays to be polite. Even if you think Snoop Dogg will react well if you greet him with a “Hey muthaf***er!” it’s safest to stick to general etiquette and approach him with a simple “Hello, Mr Dogg, it is a pleasure to meet you”.

- Do make sure you are aware of their ethics. Things will not go in your favour if you turn up to a meeting with your hero dressed in head to toe leather and fur if they’re a strict vegan and active member of PETA.

- Do try and be interesting. If the only thing you can think of talking about is the weather then you’re gonna be in trouble. Find out what they’re interested in and try to engage them in conversation. Try to find common ground, even if the only thing you have in common with them is being in the same room. Finally, make sure you know if they like talking about their art or detest discussing it. Trust us, it’s better than finding out the hard way.

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