| OK, this is going to be a LOT of fun. Over the following pages, we’ve given you an assortment of “types” to find in LA. We dare you to snare them all. Check them off as you see them. If you get the full set, pat yourself on the back or something. |
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| TRYING-TOO-HARD GUY: Easily found on the Chaunga strip in Hollywood. Finding guys like this in LA is like finding crystal meth at a gay club. No prob. |
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HOT WASTED CHICK: Also an easy find for the novice LA scavenger hunter. See who in your gang can find the most in one night. |
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| SAD PARIS HILTON COUGAR: As we’ve already told you, cougars are women who are too old to be in a nightclub and who like young guys. Out here, they all look like Paris. |
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GIRLS DRESSED LIKE STRIPPERS: And they can’t be in a strip club, doye. You will be shocked at how easy they are to spot and how unsexy they are in person. |
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| SKINNY SKATER BOYS: LA skaters generally are not thug wanna-bes like NYC skaters are. However, skaters everywhere are all pretty boys at heart. |
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WELL-ENDOWED ASIANS: Don’t ask us why, but Asians in Los Angeles have bigger jugs than elsewhere. Weird, huh? |
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| MORE HOT WASTED CHICKS: See? There’s another one already! |
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COCAINE: This isn’t just a New York thing you snob. |
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| BOYS WHO LOOK 13: Maybe it’s the air out here, or maybe it’s the fact that actors are freaks of nature, but a lot of people look underage in LA. |
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FOPPISH DANDIES: Ew, they use hairdryers and wear cravats. |
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| SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT: Not even trying to do a riff. Count how many times you see this here. |
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PUFFY SKIRTS: Electroclash didn’t really die in LA. It kind of got subsumed into the hipster club gear. It pops out in weird incarnations like these. |
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| PRETTY GIRL PRETENDING TO KNOW STUFF: Hahaha, they all think they are “producers” or “making a documentary.” |
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BEARD GUYS: The Devendra Banhart guys are even worse here than in New York, because they have no anger at all. They are floppy beanbags full of white wine and pot. |
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| SEXY JEWISH GIRLS: Sadly overlooked far too often, and not hard to find out here since all their Jew dads run Hollywood. |
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GIRLS WHO LOOK 13: Same as with the boys from earlier. It’s like LA preserves pretty people in formaldehyde. |
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| VINCENT GALLO: If you have a Gallo spotting you immediately win the LA scavenger hunt for the rest of your life. You don’t have to play ever again. |
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PRESIDENT OF CAPITOL RECORDS: Or anyone else whose job you wish you had. |
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| Z-BOYS: And when you check one of these dudes off your list, be sure to have a private chuckle over how bad that movie is going to flop. |
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GUY WHO HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR 20 YEARS: These dudes are also known as “Bingenheimers.” They have vague music-related jobs and smell like cinammon and mothballs. |
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| PILLS: Perhaps the only way to tolerate LA in the long term. |
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CRACKHEADS WHO LOOK LIKE HIPSTERS: There is just way better gear in Los Angeles dumpsters. Sorry, New York bums. |
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| THE GUY WHO TOOK ALL THESE PICTURES: He gave himself a cool name (“Cobra Snake”), and he has a website that you already know all about. thecobrasnake.com, stupid. |
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COURTNEY LOVE: Believe us, she is out there somewhere, lurking. |
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