FESTIVAL DOs & DON'Ts
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After you turn 30, shows become really boring and you’re standing there, with your lower back hurting, listening to a cacophony and asking, “What the fuck am I doing here?” Before that it’s bliss though, so let’s cram in all the festivaling we can!
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It's kind of like sex. You won't have these kind of pussy opportunities when you're married so you need to get them all in early so you can look back at them when you're old.
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If done correctly, you should be able to complete an entire young adulthood in one weekend. |
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| Best friends for life often meet at these festivals. Especially hard-to-match people like guys with an IQ of less than 100. |
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| True love also happens hourly. This is due to a powerful aphrodisiac called “Beer Goggles”. |
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Of course, true love doesn't last forever. |
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| Make sure you stay away from guys that are actually there for the music. They're like the guy at the orgy who shows up with condoms and wants to discuss safe sex. |
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| Speaking of orgies. If you can't get laid at a three-day drunken mud party you basically don't deserve to have a dick. |
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In fact, this is a good place to find out if you're gay or not. Tits are served to you on a silver platter. Want one? |
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| There are few joys greater than boozing it up with your mates while your favourite band drones on in the background. |
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| Try to calm yourself, however, and have a bit of water or uppers every few hours. |
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Because when you do overdo it your friends are the last people on earth to look to for assistance. As Bill Hicks once said, “They will christen your dumpster.” |
 Anonymous, on Nov 12, 2009 wrote:
that dude’s getting a hand job from his mom holy shit | | |
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