NEWSLETTER



DOS & DON'TS

If something ever happens to our national acid supply, homeroom is really going to suck. Comments/Enlarge | See all


That dainty little gesture is just screaming: “Give me a reason to ditch the twat in the hat”. Comments/Enlarge | See all






RELATED ARTICLES

DOS & DON'TS
Could you have more shit hanging off your...
DEAR DIARY
Entry: January 1994
NIGGAS ON THE RUN EATIN'
Capone-n-Noreaga Go From Escaping Gay Org...
INSURGENT VS. INSURGENT
In Iraq, Everyone Fights Everyone





AND THE REST


BRONX

There’s a zoo here. The Yankees. The Botanical Garden. And a street called Arthur Avenue where you could spend a wonderful afternoon eating Italian food or shopping to make a meal somewhere. We say afternoon, ’cause we know someone’s already told you that you will get mugged or beaten up if you are here after dark, which is probably not true. But maybe in your case it is.

Borgatti’s Ravioli & Egg Noodles
NOTE: The “” means we highly recommend these joints.

BORGATTI’S RAVIOLI & EGG NOODLES
Best, freshest ravioli around for over 70 years. 632 E. 187th St., 718-367-3799.

CALABRIA PORK STORE
Grocery-shop here and make a meal for whoever is hosting you. Known for its sausage, soppressata, prosciutto, and Italian canned tuna. 2338 Arthur Ave., 718-367-5145.

MIKE'S DELI
In the Arthur Avenue food market. Get the eggplant-parmesan hero. 2344 Arthur Ave., 718-295-5033.

ROBERTO'S
Huge portions at this fancy-pants Italian joint mean only one thing: Bring a group, and pass, like, three dishes. 603 Crescent Ave., 718-733-9503.


QUEENS

If you fly into LaGuardia or JFK, you’ll pass through parts of Queens—home of every single cab driver in the city— and probably never come back. That’s just wrong. Some of the best food in the city is here. To be honest, that’s really the only reason you’d trek back out here. What? You’re going to go to a Mets game? To try and find George Costanza’s parents’ house? Mmmkay. PS: Nothing here is very expensive foodwise.


BOHEMIAN HALL & BEER GARDEN
This is a nice outdoor beer garden in Astoria. It claims it’s the only one in the city, but that’s kind of taking liberties with the definition of drinking beer without a roof over your head and some sort of topiary or foliage nearby. Anyway, you probably won’t be eating much here, but they have the usual German stuff. 29-19 24th Ave., 718-274-4925.

JACKSON DINER
Legendary Jackson Heights Indian restaurant with buffet-style [at lunch only?] eating for those so inclined. If you like Indian food, make every effort. We’d marry this place if we could. 37-47 74th St., 718-672-1232.

KABAB CAFÉ
Chef Ali doesn’t give a shit about a menu at his Egyptian/Moroccan diner in Little Egypt. You’ll eat what he is cooking. And he’ll talk you through a few things until you agree. Then he’ll take his sweet-ass time cooking it, and you will love it. Closed Mondays. 2512 Steinway St., 718-728-9858.

LITTLE PEPPER
Chinese Sichuan joint noted for their tremendous cumin lamb. Everything here is hot, hot, hot. Suffer through it. 133-43 Roosevelt Ave., 718-939-7788.

LOS PORTALES
The tacos al pastor here slay. Get them with salsa roja. 2508 Broadway, Astoria, 718-204-6736.

Philoxenia

PHILOXENIA
This is a giant Greek restaurant that, to be honest, we have never set foot inside, but everyone we know who has ever lived in Queens told us about it repeatedly. 32-07 34th Ave., 718-626-2000.

ROTI BOTI SHAHEEN
Great cheap Indian/Pakistani place that stays open very late. 7209 Broadway, Jackson Heights (there’re two Roti Botis in Queens but this is the one you must go to), 718-476-6516.


STATEN ISLAND

This is the most exotic, shat-on, underrated, ignored borough in New York. No one gets off the fucking plane at JFK and says, “Take me to Staten Island.” It’s home to Wu-Tang Clan, the free-lovin’ Ganas commune, a Republican congressman who fathered a love child outside of DC, a Yankees minor-league team (with an awesome stadium whose backdrop is the Manhattan skyline), at least one annual fireman and/or cop beating or murder whodunit, and a whole lot of good food and fun bars. You owe it to yourself to drive over the Verrazano Bridge once in your life. And take the ferry here.


KILLMEYER'S
Nine German draft beers are served by the liter, and about fifty more come in bottles. Their mammoth beer garden is open Thurs.-Sun. And on Wednesdays you can get a platter of various wursts for $10.95. Killmeyer’s also employs an oompah band. 4254 Arthur Kill Rd., 718-984-1202.


< PREV

Comments

Anonymous, on Oct 16, 2008 wrote:
This place is all mine. I moved here first and therefore I own it. I would hate if a bunch of kids moved in nearby and started using the good bars to get drunk in and the good restaurants to get fed in because they wouldn’t approach them with the same level of respect and admiration i have been cultivating for many years. My name is Charlie Mueller and my life is wrapped up in the fictional Sesame Street New York I’ve invented for myself.
Anonymous, on Oct 8, 2008 wrote:
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
thank god you assholes don’t know dick about astoria

Exactly. Let’s keep it that way. Nothing to see here, assholes, move right along.
Anonymous, on Oct 8, 2008 wrote:
how the fck are hipsters going to gentrify anything, with their giant corporate salaries and huge bonus packages..? yknow like how they go out and pick up an apartment or a condo every time they find wayfarers at a thrift store
oh for real
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
Golden Mall in Flushing is the equivalent of every provine in a single space. The best Chinese food outside of China. You guys are a bunch of white jerks!
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
Roberto’s is still the best Italian restaurant I’ve ever been to
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
thank god you assholes don’t know dick about astoria
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
cargo cafe! and joe&pats. you gotta mention these!
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
are these the new territories for Hipsters to gentrify???
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
i’d like to but i heard it sucks.
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
Well, are you going there or what?
Anonymous, on Oct 7, 2008 wrote:
you tell me staten island is underrated and only list one place to go?

POST A COMMENT [SIGN IN]
Hi, in case you haven't heard, you can now sign up to become a "member" of Viceland.com, which entitles you to all sorts of amazing benefits like pictures and a nickname. Click here to make your own profile. You can still comment if you don't, but you gotta do it all 'nonymously.

Name:
Comment: